I hate to constantly repeat my directions, it makes me feel as though I am never heard or listened to.

You have to understand something, Lakeland – this is all one experience to me.  Every moment of my day is one experience.  It does not change because I am at home, or driving, or at the movies, ordering groceries, pizza, or deliveries, or anything.  Every single moment is the exact same one experience for me.  So, the effect you have when you change handlers, managers, leaders – even in a given day – has not only an effect on me, but it has an effect on every single person involved including the audience.

I am going back to the person I was before the walls fell down and I realized everything was faked.  It is the very reason ANY of you are here at all.

Before I get to the rest of that, let me finish this thought real quick.  If you think for one moment that I will ever become or am now an intelligent woman who cannot see or appreciate the great good works that Steven Spielberg, or JJ Abrams have done, and will continue to do, then you are MOST SEVERELY MISTAKEN!  If you think for one moment that I will not stand alongside civil rights leaders such as Martin Luther King Jr., then you are MOST SEVERELY MISTAKEN!  These two instances are not the same at all!!!!

Also, there is such a time delay in the way things are managed currently.  I am constantly working forward only to have weeks and weeks sent into reverse to clean up and clarify YOUR mistakes!

Another thing quickly, it is David Wolfe’s old apartment I drive past every day – NOT Roy’s!

New York, you broke my spirit with The Only Living Boy In New York with the shot of Jeff Bridges at the bar set against the window which is how I had envisioned myself grieving after my mother’s death.  I was trying to emotionally preparing myself for her death as we are all subject to our own mortality, so I envisioned myself grieving and drinking at a bar with the exact same window, seated in the exact same spot at the bar.  Also, I saw myself at a beach thinking and staring at the water with a fabric I was wearing blowing in the breeze.  Like a picture.  To capture the sadness and grief helping myself to not be overcome and shocked into immobility.  You angered me with the beard comment because I have in no way come into agreement with any person about appearing, or making a presence, to be a beard.  It is dishonest.  I cannot accept the dishonesty of it.  Friendship I can accept.  A working relationship I can accept.  A pretend romance or relationship, I cannot accept.  It opens me up to improprieties.

Now, the image of a man wearing glasses with a woman holding a baby/child I cannot accept.  It opens me up to improprieties.  It is inexcusable.  I have never come into any agreement of such a situation, not even once.  Here is your proof if you require it: play back the tape.  While “Kate” was speaking to me, she used air tricks and manipulation to create a sensation in my crotch, so that the lips of my vagina were screaming.  It was not an enjoyable sensation which is the kindest way I can write this scene.  Having to carry on a conversation with a person and a woman while my crotch and vagina were being violated – let alone for the sake of entertainment – is such an inexcusable act I cannot see any other cause of justice than immediate separation, loss of privileges, forced resignation, public exposure to the truth, and fined heavily to be donated to a good and worthy charity.  The evidence was the tears of my humiliation streaming down my face having to endure the sexual abuse, and having to endure the sexual abuse by a woman.  Let alone having to endure the sexual abuse in front of a live audience.  I am writing as kindly as I can for I do not want or wish for my feelings to be overshadowed by the truth.

 To treat another human being to such an activity – let alone without cause or proof of any evidence or justification – is inexcusable.  To treat another human being to such an activity for the sake of entertainment is inexcusable and should be treated as an abortion of justice.

It is a humiliation I will not forget because I was raped that night.  It is the only way I see it.

You cannot make something a reality that has never been, will never be, and does not change for the sake of entertainment.

None of this is art, nor is it leadership.

Pressure washing is neither art, nor leadership.  Weight gain is neither art, nor leadership. Chore lists are neither art, nor leadership.  Breaking things to be repaired are neither art, nor leadership.  Spending hours scouring descriptions of purchases are neither art, nor leadership.  Copying and modeling after someone and something is neither art, nor leadership. There is no creativity in simply doing as instructed and told.

There was mind-control used with Edison, so I have forgiven myself for being shamed by him.  There was not one moment of love or affection.  I simply wanted to move on with my life.  I wanted to not see David everywhere.  I wanted to move on from David as he closed that door.

I want this understood: I have a habit of not discussing certain people, I do not see that changing.

If you do not have one person who is overseeing the entire works, then you have made a huge and grievous mistake which must be rectified immediately!

I have mentioned, written, and said this more than once.  I would hire actors.  I would hire actors, I would give them direction.  However, I would allow them to use their own creativity to create a character.  And, I would base it off of my writings.  Since, there is no room for dialogue, the only way I see it is in movement.  Not so fast that everything swirls into nothing.  But, the front, the back, the sides choreographed into a moving work of art.  Art of every color, without bias, forced persuasion, or manipulation.

Also, I would reach a definitive end date.  It is a must!  It is time to tie up all the loose ends finish what should never have started.  Because I will never be able to see this as positive.  You will read more later.

Now, going back to the person I used to be – I am going back to the person who follows traffic laws by making a right or left hand turn and turning into the closest lane rather than crossing lanes to get to the furthest left lane.

Lakeland, you must take responsibility for your mistakes.

Lakeland it should never have been, nor should it ever be a combative environment or relationship.  It is inexcusable.  Take responsibility.

Again, I want to mention the manipulation of my money and internet is inexcusable.  One moment I have plenty of money, the next I am destitute.  No more lying.  No more tricks.  No more deceptions.  There is no art in manipulating the information.  Deliver what I order.

STOP THE NEEDLESS DRIVING!!!

ENOUGH!

Then, end it all.  I am closer to 50 than I am to 30.  I am no longer a teen-ager capable of living off of pizza and chips.  I have to think about how I will retire rather than working until the day I die.  I choose the tire only because it allergy-free it is something that has been forced on me.

I am getting so tired of this.  I want to move on.  This should never have happened to anyone.

Also, I choose not to see Jumanji because of what happened with the red-haired-heart-shirt.

Plus, it was me, Cherith while working at Disney.  I spoke with someone on the phone about The Golden Girls.  The opening to The Golden Girls featured the Back Lot of the then MGM Studios which is now Disney’s Hollywood Studios.  I joked about how it was not as though people were really living in the homes.  It was a good bit.  I knew it.  I felt it and heard it on the phone.  I heard the person on the other end of the phone – thinking.

Also, I would like to mention, I remember reading a fb post of David Wolfe’s about his least favorite show was Desperate Housewives.

Put those two together.

Starving someone and leaving them without resources, or food does not equal creative good works.

The driving route is a huge problem as it does not equal or a true measure of my heart, intent, values, works, thoughts, or creative ideas.

You have been so wrong.

You must take responsibility.

 

 

Hi,

My name is NOT Kate!  I am in no way any man’s or woman’s beard, baby, cat, dog, horse, or any other such animal.  The very idea of any such nonsense is SO ridiculous that my very precious brain does not and cannot conceive of such a notion.  The thought cannot form in my head.  It is such a waste of time to even have a conversation about.

It is NOT possible to create, force, contrive, or in any way shape or form create something that does not exist.  End of discussion.

I am so sick and tired of the farting and belching and tricks with my food and home.

It was David Wolfe as Alfredo Cruz who told me in the break room at The Container Store, beer is cheaper, but liquor in quicker.  You should have seen the look in his eyes as he spoke this to me.  It was David Wolfe as Alfredo Cruz who was holding the green crunch can with the chevron pattern at The Container Store who was talking to me, almost pleading with his eyes because I was so disgusted anymore with the pretend once I realized that Edison was wearing a skin suit, and that is why nothing ever added up or made sense in all the conversations, touching’s, kissing, amd just everything.  All the walls fell down when I realized that EVERYTHING was fake and faked.  I lost everything I had for David Wolfe because of the deceit.

I just wanted to be loved or even liked enough by a straight man who love women to be seen as sexually desirable and wanted.  Instead I got that thing.

When I realized the deception of the skin suit I understood I would never again be able to date, or have a relationship with a man again.  Because it was not real.  It was all designed to set me up, hurt me, and laugh at me.  I am tired of saying this.  I have said, written, made notes, time and time again since April 2014.

Again, the reason chrome has become swag-tron is to FORCE me to no longer like the things I used to like and enjoy.  I loved The Container Store.  I loved helping people.  I loved David that will not nor never go away – it has only changed the way I see him and nothing more.  I love to be organized, I love to be clean, I love people, on and on, these things are NOT things that can change in any way shape or form.  You change your underwear, or hair do or color, or job, or the man you’re dating, but there are fundamentals that do NOT change.

Anymore, what I see are people who do not have to worry about the brand they use because of a picture on the cover, or the soap, or food, or the description used to sell the product, or any other such nonsense.  I cannot be limited by these ANYMORE!!!!  You cannot make something exist that in no way shape or form ever existed!!!

I cannot be handled by a woman.  I cannot see a movie and believe in any way that it allows a woman or any person access to me simply because they are wearing glasses while they are acting!  It is in no way the means to create for and because there is no such reality for it at all, in any case, by any means, and so on.

I have to go, I know I am forgetting more than I can remember to write in the amount of time given to me.  Oh yeah, just because a company has a logo that says, oh, I don’t know, Yes 2 You, does not in any way shape or form allow them access, give permission, or come into any agreement.  I cannot control the logo another company uses.  It is a ridiculous notion to literally translate something that can mean many different things to many different people.  It is NOT A RULE for which any person should have to live.

Do you know the reason why I left notes at my home behind while working at TCS about wanting to write a one-woman show (Brian Cranston) because I was so disgusted with what was happening I knew I could do it better.  Because I wanted to live my life and not be forced to live alone, and I am tired of having to constantly say a man.  It will allows be a straight man who loves women, I was born that way you cannot alter me differently.

All of your choices and options are not correct, applicable, or valid in my mind!

David, I do believe you are nothing more than a Scrooge.  All you care about is money.  You care nothing for me or you wouldn’t have allowed such access to me and you would have ended it, or never have even begun it to begin with.  You know how upset and miserable I am, distraught and unhappy, and you allow yourself and other to do nothing more than make money off of me.

Here I am again, having to hurry and remember EVERYTHING and EVERYONE and mention it ALL before I leave for work.  Why?!  Because you have an ill functioning, poorly managed, and improperly controlled situation on your hands.

First of all, it is not as well controlled, secure, or stable as you allow yourselves to believe, Lakeland.  I saw it on the dock awhile ago, I saw it again today.  You better be careful because it is more than my life, welfare, and safety you have to answer to, Lakeland.  You invited and allowed a presence to breathe the same air, exist in the same reality as myself and others, but you failed to see the great and grave danger forming, brewing, and building in their minds.

But, I did.

So, again I will say.  Be careful, Lakeland.  You are not as secure as you think and believe you are.  I saw it.

I saw it. Continue reading “Open Letter: 1/15/2018”

Creggan,

I am having more than a few difficulties here at the town house, but before I get to those problems I want to give you some direction.

I have written this to you before, however it has come to my attention that my emails, messaging’s, texts, and so forth have not always been received by the intended person to whom they were addressed.

In this townhouse I have been living a perpetual nightmare.  I have not found the means to support myself, as well as, not being able to participate in a social life as I have no more friends anymore, nor do I have a man really and truly in my life for whom I can spend the rest of my life with.  Not a virtual man.  For nothing else in the world matters if you do not have love.  I have not had a man love me for decades.  In my whole life I have never really been loved.  Using a person as a means to an end, or for entertainment – is not love.

I have come to an end of my endurance for the struggle and ability to continue as if I am ok when I am deeply, deeply emotionally traumatized and depressed.  So, I want it known – I am sending this to you, as well as, publishing it on my website.  If for any reason I end up dead, or hurt I give you the power to sue for wrongful death.  Whether I kill myself, car accident, or some unexplained mystery of a death.  You need to sue for wrongful death.

As to the problems at the townhome.  Every day I come home from work there are problems I find that have to be fixed.

1. There is a buzzing coming from a box in the garage. I have no idea how to get someone to fix that.
2. The water dispenser has stopped working on the refrigerator.
3. The dryer has stopped drying.
4. The lights on the stairwell do not function properly to stay on and off.

These are just the problems that I am unable to take care of or fix myself.  I have attempted several versions to fix the dryer which have not worked.  The garage door has been worked on several times.  I cannot begin to tell you how many locks I have replaced in this house trying to put an end to the abuse.

Enough is enough.

This isolation is killing me.  Not being a part of the real world where I used to have friends.  Not being allowed to date men for real.

I am hurting in a way I cannot describe.  No one hears me or understands the need to end it all.

At this very moment I am exceptionally unwell.  I am so sick.  I have been sick for days.  I can’t get out of bed I am so sick.  So, I am ending this email.  I feel there is more I should share, however I am so sick.

So sick.  My belly is so sick.  I’ve been sick for days now.  Unable to get out of bed.  Bad ice.  Bad food.  No reason to shower or do laundry.  Bad soap.

Painfully sick.

Not writing.

Lakeland,

I am so fucking pissed at you!!  Let me set something straight right now!!!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY to avoid you, or NOT CHOOSE YOU!!!!  Do you have any idea how fucking ridiculous it is that I am CONSTANTLY made to go out of my way?!!

How can you NOT see what a waste of time, energy, resources, and talent it is to constantly set ME against you?!  What the fuck am I doing there if you do not want me there?!

I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY FOR YOU , LAKELAND!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE ASHAMED OF YOU!  I SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO BE SEEN AS LESS THAN THE MOST VALUABLE PERSON, COMMODITY, ASSET, FIGURE, AND PERSON YOU HAVE EVER KNOWN, OR HAVE HAD THE FUCKING PRIVILEDGE OF SPENDING TIME WITH AND KNOWING!!!!!!!!!

You keep me tired to KEEP me from KEEPING YOU HONEST!!!

I am not finished with you!

I will not back down!  

I could have done better!  I could do better!

My whole life I have said this in just about every thing including jobs, movies, acting, writing, performances, directing, and so on – I could have done it better!

And, I ain’t changed liked that!

DO NOT EVEN BEGIN TO TELL ME YOU ARE TOO DUMB, STUPID, AND MORONIC TO UNDERSTAND THE PLAY ON WORDS IN THE TITLE, FUCKER(S)!!

Can the sight of a man wearing a t-shirt be a moment you remember?  Because I remember going to Siesta Key Beach – which is my favorite Florida beach – with Rachel Memorial Day Weekend 2013.  I was late because I worked out in the morning before going to Rachel’s house.  There were more than one unusual sightings for me.  We parked at a church parking lot and walked across?!  Yep, I think that was a plan.  At the end of the day walking back to the car I saw a man wearing a Twentieth Century Fox t-shirt.  It stopped me, it created a snap-shot memory for me.

I cannot believe that I have to write this!

First, I want to say, I am still not writing which is not a good sign or in any way good at all.

STOP this copy cat stupid nonsense and bullshit!!!  I do not write for solitude!  I have never wanted to be alone in my entire life!!!!!!  I have never in my life EVER been alone before moving here.  I write because it is in my head.  I write because I can.

I should never for one moment EVER have to call into question, doubt, guess, find or read clues into purchases, vote for people, read into descriptions, fly or wear certain colors, or in any other way not yet mentioned doubt Lakeland!!!!!!!!!!!  Lakeland should in every single way do better than the best by and to me.  ALWAYS!!!!

David Wolfe you should be very worried right now.  James Franco should never have been in the picture – EVER!  Because if I am unwilling to yell at you at all, it is not good, and you should be very worried.

I want to live free and independently!!  I have not been able to do so since 2012!

Put an end immediately to working off my computer screen and imitating and copying what I watch and read.  I have a better plan.  A much smarter and more sophisticated plan that is better than anything you could copy or think of.  I have been painting, drawing, writing, and creating since before I ever met any of you including David Wolfe.

I will say this: The moment “Bill” at TCS touched me I was immediately repulsed.  I believed he was gay.  Trying to persuade me that sitting around drinking and having dinner could be considered art, or an artist.

SOYLENT GREEN MUST END!!!  Do you not even understand the political and social economical statement that movie was trying to debate and raise?!  Women are not furniture!  People are not slaves to be worked into an early death!  It is about distribution of wealth and equality.  Jesus Christ it is abstract!  I don’t have time to go on!  For fuck sake I cannot believe how fucking stupid this is!

New York and Lakeland you fucking mishandled and mismanaged me!

At the moment the only thing I see in other people is how much more money they have and make more money than me!  When I watch movies what I see in the actors and crew is how they are able to do something they want and enjoy, and I DO NOT!!!!!!!  I see how much more help and well off every one else is!

I am fucking sick of it!

 

I was unable to write Coffee and Breakfast yesterday.

Coffee and Breakfast, as well as, every other titles, series, and other postings have been postponed until further notice.

I have been under the weather which is plain to see it was not by accident it was purposefully planned.  It should never have been allowed to happen.

Until I feel better which includes rest, I will not be writing.  I will be resting my bones for my soul has withered away.

The glow that could not hide that came from within me, emanating out of me – like the New Years photograph – is gone.

Listen to me now, I want to move on from you David.  I have said it time and time again, over and over uttering it under my breath, as well as, thinking it loudly in my head.  However, I will not give up, surrender, deny, ignore, or pretend that those moments were not real.  They are the last real and true memories of moments I have.  As you are the last connection I have to the real world where people actually speak to one another, where they erupt with such laughter they fall off a stool onto the floor.  Where the sight of you full of laughter, taken aback by the surprise of my quick, imaginative, vivid picture, unassuming, and detailed wit allowed me to see you.  It was beautiful.  All I wanted to do was get close to you, to be alone with you which never happened because you were always surrounded by people.

Does anyone want to know why David fell in laughter?  A question went around the table of college schoolmates and friends, Is there such a thing as too big?  A question of size.  A man’s penis.  Debate and answer went around the table when I finally spoke up after reliving an encounter with one of God’s most glorious creations of a cock, yes.  There is such a thing as too big because my jaw does not come unhinged.

Boom.

Drop the mic.

David fell.

If you missed it, a snake can un-hinge its jaw.  Travel show at TCS, Alfredo/David with a snake contact lens laughing, but I had already stopped laughing by then.

I only write this because I believe I have been betrayed which is why I do not feel well now.

I have to go.