Hey, Guess What Baby

No, for your information I did not want to be finger fucked for these last four going on five straight years!  I did not want to not be able to date and sleep with whatever man I found attractive.  I most certainly did NOT want to have to prove anything to anybody simply because David was always around, but always out of reach making me feel as if my life was not my own to do as I choose.

Did you think I would be so upset at watching David and Courtney making out, seeing him with a wedding ring that I would run into the arms of the closest available man?!  You don’t know me at all.  I am happy for David.  I was glad he found his perfect mate even though it has exposed me to hurt at the loss of a friend.

But, I want to move on.  I have wanted to move on since, oh…I don’t know, March or April 2014.  Don’t get me wrong I wanted to move on before then 2014.  However, I have simply not been allowed to since moving here.  I have not been allowed to find or have a man find me to share the rest of my life with.

Also, I am sooooooo over being virtually tried-on just to see what it would be like.

The entire world gets to be in love and have the love of their life in their life to spend the rest of their life together, but me?!!

What the fuck did I do so wrong to end up like this at this time of my life?!

I will not mention the store’s name since they still have time to correct the situation, but since working at I’ll call it The Shop Around the Corner I have been unable to eat as I normally would since losing so much weight.  I lost another person.  I lost so much weight it was as if I lost another person, an older, or a different person than I am now.  Since working at that store, I have been unable to eat during any breaks or lunch while I am working regardless of where I work.  I used to make a lunch of sliced apple an a hard-boiled egg, eight ounces of water during a 10 hour shift.  I would have only oatmeal and coffee for breakfast.  However, when I returned home from my 12 hour shift, including drive time, I would have gained or maintained my weight.  It appears someone – I don’t know who, but it is the only explanation – has a copy of my car key, and they alter my food.  I guess so they can watch as I eat the food they have altered.

I am so over trying to figure things out they are not a part of my job description.  I am not finished with this yet.

Just so it is well-known, documented, and recorded I was GLAD when Erin left the store.  As far as I was concerned we were no longer friends.  This person, Erin called up (sounding drunk) to the store I was working at asking me to leave work early to go drinking with her and her lesbian friends.  I WAS SO APPALLED!!  I was mortified for myself and for her.  I would never ask to leave work early by making up a fake story, nor was I in ANY way interested in her lesbian friends.  Where were the men she was supposed to wing-man for me?!  That’s who I thought and believed she was.  I never spoke to management about this phone call because I did not believe it was in my best interest to complain about her and her behavior, nor did I go to management whenever she yelled at me at work.  I had not figured it out at the time, yet I knew there was something not-quite-right about the whole thing.  It was a good thing I never mentioned anything at work, it was a door not to be opened.  In hind-sight, they would have turned it around, whatever I said, just to make me feel insecure about my work environment, my abilities, my performance, and my character.

This pattern of making me feel insecure at my work place and in life has not stopped since.

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