No Means No

I hate cleaning!  I love clean things and a clean environment, but I detest cleaning.  It is a huge distinction between liking clean things and enjoying to clean.  The very thought of having to clean makes me want to scream!  Ugh!

I am only one person living with three cats, I shouldn’t have to clean so much.  My routine should be simpler.  It shouldn’t take so long to clean and take care of my tiny place.

I miss my house.  I miss being able to decorate for Christmas.  I miss the Christmas lights and presents.  I miss the feeling of good-will.  It made me sad the other day because I no longer wrap presents or have anyone to give presents to.  I used to light up my home with icicle lights.  I got the ones that looked the most realistic.  I placed deer by my birch tree, and a star of David hanging high in the raintree in the front yard.  To me it was significant.  I was saying the deer represented the cold and the North Pole, and the star of David represented Bethlehem, and my small front yard brought that vast perspective together.

I miss being able to create and decorate my home.  There is no point where I currently live.  I need new flooring which I would want wood floors it is always my preference.  I need new closets.  I need new organization throughout my house and garage.  I need storage solutions.  I need chairs and bar stools.  I need drapery and sheers.  But, what is the point?!  I can never afford it off of my salary.  More importantly, what is the point when I have to live with tin foil covered fire alarms, covered appliances, covered A/C, and covered radio in my car.  Why is it all covered?  Because someone has placed hidden cameras throughout my home and car.  Why would anybody do that?!  I have no idea.  To spy on me?  Because someone thought I was a bad person and thought they would catch me doing something?!  To which the worst thing anyone could spy me doing is cleaning too much.  Oh yeah, I forgot about the hidden camera in my computers as well.  Why would anybody do that to me?!  Why would anybody do that to me of all people?!

I have no idea why I had to change cable companies.  It seems a waste of my time and money at this point.

Do you know how terrible a man is when it is more important to him what plate you eat off of, then how you feel or your wants and desires?  It takes a small-minded man to control or micro manage to such an extent.

Why keep two people apart?  Why keep people apart at all?!  Why keep people apart who help each other?  Why push people together that don’t belong?  Why push people together when one person – this person, me – is constantly screaming NO, GET OUT, NO MEANS NO!!!!!!

I am sick to death of cleaning.