What The Hell Was That?

What the hell was that today?!

What the hell is wrong with you?!

How is it that I write the truth, I saw the truth, I SEE the truth and for this someone else GETS TO HAVE THE RIGHT TO PUNISH ME FOR IT BY KEEPING ME BROKE AND POOR, SICK AND TIRED, AND ENTIRELY ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I was at The Container Store and a person started talking about being part Spanish, I quickly talked about how I knew DAVID WOLFE went to Pamplona to run with the bulls because I wanted it to be clearly KNOWN it was DAVID WOLFE and no one else – and I don’t have to explain that any further.

I want to move on.  I want to move on from constantly talking and writing about David Wolfe .  I am tired of having to KEEP THE STORY STRAIGHT.  It is so dumb!  It is so beyond idiotic all of this which is why I REFUSE TO DRIVE AROUND IN CIRCLES ANYMORE!  I HAVE DESPISED IT FOR YEARS NOW!

Of course, it is ONLY men I have ever wanted to sleep with, have a relationship with, or spend the rest of my life with – I was born that way.  I should not have to prove that to anybody.  I should not have to prove that anymore.  I forgive myself for Edison because I was tricked, manipulated, and deceived.  I was not the one wearing a skin-suit.  I was not wearing a mask.  I was nothing but honest.  However, it altered everything and everyone involved – it changed how I felt and feel for everyone.  And, you know what, you just imagine what it might be like for a woman to have all her reproductive organs removed, her intestines, her bowels moved and scraped, stitched from the inside and outside, and then feel the same when having sex.

David Wolfe, I wrote a note before I left to try to leave Florida and you behind once and for all.  In the note I wrote how I must have the Obama virus for which I will never be cured.  I had no idea who or what the Obama virus was or is about.  The reason I wrote it – I wanted it known I was and still am unwilling to give up, or let those moments I had with you in college become perverted or degrading in any way.  What I have learned in these last several years is that some people are incapable of understanding, or knowing in any way what you and I had feels like.  It is a terrible shame for every person deserves love.  Every person deserves to have a soft place to land, a person who is the center to their whole, a person for whom the whole world disappears.

Make no mistake David, I had moments with you, but we never really dated, you never kissed me, we were barely friends.  So, I held those moments separately from a romantic love.

I deserve to have a man want me enough to keep me for the rest of his life, and I in turn want him to keep me for the rest of my life.  Love is never and can never be one-sided.  It never works if it only comes from one person.

I do not love you David.  I am not in love with you David.  I feel nothing for you anymore.

Skin should be soft.  A woman’s skin should be soft.  I am a woman.  I have never wanted to be a man in any way.  My skin should be soft.  Feet, armpits, crotch, and others should stay dry.

It is not a good sign when I cannot and do not open my blinds.  It is not an all clear sign.

Virginia, I have much admiration and respect for the persons I have seen.  He is special – that is how I saw him.  I don’t have any other understanding or comprehension beyond that, but he did stand out as special.  Higher Power – is very  interesting and there is much others learn from him.  Others want to call him Fatboy,  however that is not what I saw first.  The body sometimes is more of a condition rather than a container or vessel for the soul and mind.  I could list other Virginian’s but I have to go make money.  I do not deserve to live a life in isolation entirely alone without any friends or people, which is why I do not choose Virginia.

Method is for acting.  I am not acting, nor am I an actor.  What I have learned –  with the exception of feet-stomping, “my woman” (I want it understood this is in no way sexual or anything otherwise other than a term of endearment – “my woman” – Denzel Wasington) because even when they make me sick, have taken my sight from me, conspire to kill me in small and measured doses, stripped me of dignity, vanity, cleanliness, love, family, animals, and friendship I still have chosen his talent, ability, and that undefinable thing that can only be felt – is that actors are liars which is why I am not an actor.  Again, in case you did not read or hear it the first time, method is for acting and it has no place in a business.

However, from now on I will ONLY CHOOSE me.  I am number 1.  I choose me!

Now, I have no problem, or nervousness of any kind when talking to celebrities or rich and powerful persons I have been doing it long before 2012 and The Container Store.  I can’t even list all the people I spoke with while working at Disney, David Wolfe, James Franco, Kristin Wiig, and so on.  I have no problem because I always saw myself as an equal, as a peer, as someone who belonged there and had a place beyond my circumstance.  Since, then things have changed for me and I wish to never be a apart of that world – ever again!

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