It is about time I was ahead of schedule rather than running late, holding up production, and traffic. I apologize if it is a disappointment to see me as I choose rather than the predictable. Some thing everyone should know, I see with more than my eyes. I will not go back to being blinded and blurred as someone else’s joke.
And, I am sorry.
Sorry, but I was here before any of you showed up. I was here before I saw anyone. I was here before I handed in my glasses, drove my car, walked or ran down a path. I was here first. And, I have been here for a while.
Also, I am sorry because I no longer feel joy. It has been more years than you have known me that I have felt any real joy. My laughter has left me. I am sorry because it means you are missing something most spectacular.
Sorry that my stories, my dreams, my plans have been on hold for some time now. Sorry that you only get to see or experience a stilted and unfulfilled me.
Sorry that the heart of me that I used to see bigger than my own body extending feet and feet around me in every direction has lost its fulfilling purpose, burst, and shriveled into nothing.
Sorry because I cannot keep the trolls away who enter my home without permission and tamper with my appliances, soaps, garage door, my locks, my furniture, and in each of these acts they take away parts of me that cannot be replaced.
So, the Cherith that fought against time, pain, and illness so that every American could have freedom has diminished into less.
Sorry, because if you got to read and know the stories I have already lived before I knew you, or the people who helped me, loved me, shared time with me, and knew me – would leave you different and changed – I know this with great certainty. But, time and money have other plans for me which I seem unable to change.
I once wrote: Sometimes it is hard to know what the right thing to do is, but when you know what the right thing to do is – it is hard not to do the right thing.