Declassified Files: A Series of True Events Being Brought to Light

July 6, 2017

To Jeremy Renner

Flip-flops,

First let me say this: this is me speaking to you directly.  What I will write here is not to be taken literally and used in my place.  I will be speaking to you here for your understanding since I have heard in my head which I believed was Jeremy Renner’s voice that there are things he did not understand, nor was he aware of everything that has gone on and been done.  Also, I need you to understand where I am coming from, who I am at the moment, and how past events have caused me to do certain behaviors.

I addressed this to Jeremy Renner because I am not afraid of speaking to you as a person as I was not afraid to approach you and start a conversation about nothing at that rest area.  I’ve called you Flip-flops in part because you were wearing them and I have a habit of giving people nicknames.  However, I did not call you Flip-flops as some code, or coded message.  It is just a nick name.  Understand this: I will not be writing or speaking here in anyway as any code, double meaning, or secret form of communication.  I simply cannot live my life trying to keep that up.  Plus, it takes too much time and there is a great deal (again, not a code – just a word) I need to share with you.  This computer is not the place for any sign or signal unless I communicate it specifically otherwise.

Waking up today again I feel as if a very heavy medicine ball is stuck in my gut, and generally heavy and lifeless.  This should tell you there is a problem when at the drop of a dime I can fall asleep immediately and for hours, then barely manage to get out of bed and wake-up.  I have been living at such a high volume for so many years now the toll it has taken on my body and my mind is tremendous.  I cannot continue the way everything has been set-up previously.

Due to the events that took control over my hands and faucet, I have been sent into an even greater depression.  It has caused me to cease my writings of any kind other than to you mostly because I do not have a choice given the circumstances at      .  At this point, I am so depressed, tired, bloated, and weary I do not have a time line where I feel I might continue.  For me, this has been one of the greatest problems – my inability to have control over my own involvement.

Can you possibly imagine how difficult it is to think, and speak in your head, and do a task, while looking around, processing what you see, store it in your head because you cannot think on it at the time, find the ones who are different from the others, see past the disguise, know when it the real person in a disguise, and when it is the proxy, oh yeah, all the while appearing normal as if none of it is taking place?  I am not even sure that is everything I do in a single second.  Plus, have a regular everyday life?  Can you imagine the toll it takes on the body to be at such a high level of awareness every minute of every day?

Can you imagine how depressing it is to discover that they entered my home without my permission took inventory of my outfits, planted germs on my clothing, and I’m not even sure that is everything that occurred?

Do you know that when I got home from work July 4^th morning from my Monday shift I sat on my stairs to take off my shoes, then curled into a fetal position and fell asleep for about 15 minutes.  Too tired to even move further.  This is not the first time that has happened to me since all of this started.  I’ve even come home from work taken a shower – to wash off work – and went straight to bed without eating or drinking or drying my hair even.  That kind of exhaustion is more than a hard or difficult job.  To me, that speaks volumes.  People have been aware that I have and are that depleted and exhausted.

I started punching          at the creative           so that I could have creative control.  FYI, it only makes sense for lunch                        t.  In this way, I hope this will allow for no Master of any kind, thus allow me variety in so many things including being able to drink out of whichever container I choose.

Since, so much of this is based upon what I have witnessed, seen, and experienced I feel I need to share.

• Do you know that I knew something was wrong on my first day at TCS when I saw and met Jamie? It was a red-flag for me and I knew something was wrong.
• Do you know I was suspicious when the interview and onboarding for TCS was held at a hotel?
• Do you know when Bill started working at TCS said he was an artist, etc, and touched me on my arm somewhere I was immediately creeped out? I thought he was gay – no judgement – but, thoroughly grossed and creeped out.
• Do you know that I knew I was speaking to Jada Pinkett-Smith as a TSA person at the about the weather?
• Do you know I knew it was Jeff Daniels at Home Depot as he tried to hand me something I saw in him such deep kindness it was beautiful?
• Do you know that I knew that was David with the chain around his neck standing by the Super 8 Motel in Canada?
• Do you know I knew it was David walking past me on the airplane wearing a slight moustache and walking with an early teen-ager wearing a pink t-shirt?
• Do you know I knew that was Hugo Weaving I saw in front of          and saw the loveliness of him in a moment?
• Do you know I knew it was James/Rick sitting down laughing at me when he said I guess we have to find a new hip replacement? And, yes that Edison person was never valid.
• Do you know the devastation it caused upon learning the deception of dating Edison caused? When it occurred to me, when I discovered the reason why everything about that experience was so wrong, do you know I literally died, and no longer was I able to be the Cherith I was before.
• Do you know that because of that dating experience, because of that year of dating experiences I will never be able to feel the same way about David Wolfe again, that I never want to have anything to do with James Franco again, that I never wish to see or know anything about Adrian Grenier ever again?!
• Do you know that because of the Edison experience my heart literally stopped breathing?
• Do you know the horrification of the Edison experience turned the light off that used to glow within me?
• Do you know I knew that it was Rob Drydek as Marvin who was laughing at me at TCS saying how ridiculous it was that I believed TCS was not a real store?
• Do you know I knew it was Edison as Marvin talking about Guardians of the Galaxy – which is why I never wanted to see the movie?
• Do you know I knew it was Keanu Reeves I spoke with on the phone at TCS about designing an office for his family and kids?
• Do you know I knew it was Keanu Reeves as Alfredo when I told him what a Keanu Reeves fan I was in reference to 47 Ronin?
• Do you know I knew it was David Wolfe with Courtney at Applebee’s which is why I walked out and didn’t approach him?
• Do you know I knew I was speaking with David Wolfe on the phone at Disney about Isaiah Washington and the Old Spice commercial?
• Do you know I believed I was speaking with Dustin Hoffman at Brandon mall in front of the candy store and he told me I killed it on the walkway?
• Do you know I knew it was Eddie Murphy laughing at me while I ordered French fries at Alfredo’s?
• Do you know I will always love those clouds? I cannot believe how they do it.  I love the texture and the colors and the beautiful shapes.
• Do you know I think it is completely unfair to not allow me to get another   ?
• Do you know I believe David Wolfe was used as bait to get me to       ?
• Do you know I believe it is unfair to trick and manipulate my food? Do you know I believe it is unfair that I do not get to have control over my own life?
• Do you know I believe it is unfair to allow this fake reality to not come to an end when I want it to end and never wanted it to begin with?
• Do you know all I wanted to do after placing my mother in a nursing home was start a new chapter of my life? I wanted to do nothing more than write if nothing more than a way to process the years of my life, the stress, the grief, the past terrible men who proclaimed love for me only to abuse me.  However, once here I could not understand why all of a sudden, I was afraid of being locked out of my home.  Why all of a sudden, I could no longer write or even feel comfortable in my own home?  As if the very walls conspired against me every day.
• Do you know, I was aware of the camera being placed in my dash when I went to Firestone to fix the nail (or something) in my tire?
• Do you know I believe it is unfair that I am not able to use my coffee maker because anytime I’ve purchased coffee filter’s they have been doped and drugged? Perhaps as a way of forcing me to purchase a permanent coffee filter instead.
• Do you know I believe it is unfair to manipulate me into purchases by playing tricks on me?
• Do you know that because of all the pressure washer and tricks, pranks, and problems to figure out I am unable to take care of myself and it keeps me in constant depression?
• Do you know that if my brother had only listened to me he would be in a better place employment-wise, financially, and emotionally? He had job offers from San Diego State University and University of Birmingham Tuscaloosa after graduating with his Ph. D.  San Diego wanted him to teach more classes and less time for writing.  U of A wanted him to write to get published and offered less classes to teach.  He chose U of A.  However, once he got to Alabama he became depressed and discovered that writing was not what he wanted to do, he enjoyed teaching more.  And, my brother is a good teacher.  He is one of those teacher’s that students enjoy.  Do you know how rare that is to be a teacher your students like?  Had he gone to San Diego he would still be employed, I believe (U of A did not renew his contract), he would have real estate that would have increased in value many times over.  This is just an example of why men should listen to me more.
• Do you know Reg was one of my favorite teacher’s? He is the one I spoke with about David Wolfe.  How when David went away to FSU I no longer enjoyed going and being involved with HCC.
• Do you know I do not pray any more since discovering my brain in shared and invaded upon? I am no longer able to speak to God directly and that middle man is always in the way.
• Do you know I have often suspected who the doctor/nurse (James Franco) was that I spoke with before my surgery? Char was extremely anxious and unusual given the circumstance.  He said something to me that stuck out.  He said I must not have a job when finding out that I worked-out six days a week.
• Do you know on the way to Moffitt I saw David Wolfe riding a motorcycle in the opposite direction? An African-American man behind the wheel of an orange Dodge with an Obama sticker driving in front of me.
• Do you know I would love to be able to tell someone all the times I’ve been drugged? Tammy drugged me, “Erin” drugged me, James Franco delivered doped alcohol, at the bar in Key West, I’m not sure who drugged me at a Beer and Bourbon fest I went to in Tampa.
• Do you know I believe it is unfair that all these years I am not able to make or create any new memories, meet any new people, or lead my own life, and move on from everything?
• Do you know the reason I displayed my pile of bills and how-to bankruptcy was because I thought it was so unfair to take advantage of me given my financial situation? I wanted people to know I was broke as hell.  I wanted people to know I was so very unhappy with being watched at my home.
• Do you know I cannot believe Disney allowed themselves to become involved with what happened at my employment there the second time around?
• Do you know the reason I covered up my radio was due to the last embarrassment and humiliation? I covered up the camera in the radio to make a point about my complete hurt and disappointment in being made a laughingstock.
• Do you know I fell in love (artistically speaking) with the purchase of my first Apple shuffle?
• Do you I wouldn’t care if this fake reality all ended tomorrow?
• Do you know that more than acting, writing, directing, singing, or anything else I just want my life back?
• Do you know that with all this buying and returning nonsense it has kept me from being able to live, it has kept me in depression, not allowed me to move on in my life, not allowed me to be alive in any way, it has not allowed me to plan my life, have goals, or make plans for the future?
• Do you have any idea how hard and stressful that 10       is?
• Do you know that I believe I will live in Ireland someday?
• Do you know I would love to live in Paris or France sometime?
• Do you know David Wolfe used to call me while I was working at Disney and talk to me about movies?
• Do you know I will always regret giving Creggan my cats thinking he was going to take care of them?
• Do you know it is a stab in the heart every time I see the image of me putting them in their crates?
• Do you know I believe I should not have ever allowed Creggan to take guardianship of my mother since I know now how I’ve been deceived by him?
• Do you know I have never been able to grieve – even now – for my mother?
• Do you know I miss my house every day?
• Do you know how much I miss my freedom of choice?
• Do you know that because of the faucets problem I don’t know if I can ever use the faucets again?
• Do you have any idea what is like for me to have people hurt me like they did with my hands and not be able to say anything to anyone or to even be ALLOWED to be upset about it?!!!!!!!
• Do you know the only reason I called my savings account nest is because that is what a retirement is supposed to be?

 

Do you know I could go on for years about all the, do you know’s?

I would love to be able to continue writing to you about Thank-you’s for those I see, but just like at TCS – perhaps it is the Cat’s fault, I don’t know for certain who if it is even just one person to place the blame – my writing is taken away from me.  It literally destroys a part of my soul to have tricks played on me, no exaggeration.  When I stopped my blog at TCS I literally stopped expanding my mind.  Instead of becoming smarter and wiser over the years, I have become dumber not wiser.

I know, my employment at       started out as a series about Twilight between Edward/James and Jacob/David.  For me, this storyline played itself out years ago.  The only reason I kept reading Twilight while employed at Disney was because I wanted the privacy of my brain back.

The water fountain purchase – I used to have the exact same water fountain before I moved here.  I purchased it again only because it is easier.

The black and white t-shirt I purchased is not a slight against Mr. Jeremy Renner even though he did steer me toward the green steps that have caused me a great deal of humiliation.  I purchased the t-shirt in the color because people have ruined my life by taking away my freedom of choice, by turning my world of seeing beautiful, positive things about and for people and turning into a matter of black and white, of fat and skinny, of non-color, of such horrible humiliation.  I care nothing for Adrian Grenier.  My purchase was not in any way for Mexico.  Quite frankly, I find the literal translation of my groceries and purchases to be small-thinking.  I find it to be a lack of creative thinking.

Jerry’s bar –  for clarification the reason I painted the wall was just to see how it would look, however I do not like the finish on the wall or for a wall.  When I have a chance, I will change it.

It is better for me when there are no cars parked in driveways.

Please fire Ben Q end of discussion!

I have been screaming for years that it was never that Cat which I sometimes wondered if it wasn’t a man dressed as a woman, or Edison.  Not ever!!  I was so relieved when Edison left my life!  The best thing I heard in my head for a while now was hearing, say good-bye.  Seeing Jeremy Renner disguised as an overweight black man telling me in my head to say good-bye to the person in front of me which was the same Cat/Edison creepy person repeated over and over.  I have been doing nothing but trying to get away from him.  I have been saying it for years!!!!  No one listens to me.

I had to start using      because of the tv cameras in front of the stores, and I was air-forced out of them.  It has been such a time saver in that driving is such a burden it is a different kind of pressure and stress.  However, having to figure what food is bad and being treated as a guinea pig is torture.  Unfortunately, that was happening even when I went into the stores to purchase food.  I want creative control over my purchases.  There is an abuse that happens with          .

When I am placed in front of televisions it has caused weight gain, it has opened my home to the world – which I have never wanted, it has been a form of control.  Which is why I go to great lengths to avoid televisions at all costs.  I simply can’t do that anymore.

I understand it is being asked of me to watch the Spider-man movie, however I am so hurt, appalled, humiliated by James Franco and every virtual experience that has occurred with him, with every meeting and memory that has happened upon moral grounds I refuse to watch the movie.  I want nothing further to do with James Franco.  I am tired of repeating myself on this point.  My anger comes in part from feeling molested by women and being visually assaulted by them.  It also comes from having a teacher I never wanted, asked for, wanted to be a part of in any way.  I never wish to see him ever again.  I never wish to speak to him ever again.  He owes me a world of apologies, but I do not want to see or hear from him ever again.  This is not a laughing matter to me.  I am quite serious.  My opinion has not wavered I have only become more resolute in my complete desire for separation in every way from him.