I can’t believe I am retelling this story again.
But, here it goes…
The story is, I was never a reader growing up. I would rather do than watch which is what reading felt like to me. I felt reading was passive. Its’s not that I couldn’t read or read well.
Unfortunately for me, my action orientated mind landed me in a reading-for-the-impaired class when a teacher asked me to read out loud then explain to the class what I had just read. When I said I couldn’t explain what I had just read, she sent to remedial reading class. Upon which the first day I was kicked out.
The teacher asked a student to read – I couldn’t believe how low these kids were reading let alone how slow. This poor kid had a problem reading out-loud a simple word like – T-H-E – I was so upset with having been placed in this class, I started yelling. What is wrong with you, You can’t read that word!!!!!!! The teacher asked me to read next, and I read as fast as I could, I was so upset. I was told not to come back to that class.
When the teacher asked me to explain what I had just read and told her I couldn’t it was because I was thinking about so many other things other than what I was reading at the same time as I was reading that I wasn’t paying attention to the exact story. My brain had other ideas in mind other than the science book I was asked to read.
So, I grew up not being a reader until…I became so upset from watching a movie.
Twilight came around and was everywhere.
Ugh, Twilight and vampire, and UGH!
I didn’t want to watch Twilight. I am too cerebral, interested in culture, the world, and life to care about teenaged vampires!
However, I decided it might not be a bad idea to see why the whole world is in love with Twilight. I was a care-giver to my mother at the time, so stealing away to go to the movie theater was a big deal at the time. Sometimes, it was more than six months at a time before I left to go do something just for myself.
I went. I saw Twilight…I thought, it’s not so bad. I’ll go see the next movie when it comes out which was New Moon. I waited and planned for New Moon.
That stupid movie!!!!!
That is how you end a movie with a wedding?! What?! Why?! Ugh?!
I despised the ending!
I was so upset…for days!!!! I had wasted my money, and more importantly my precious time.
I tried to figure it out. I decided there must have been something lost in translation from book to movie and that is why it was so bad.
So, I bought the books.
First book, not bad – easy reading. Next book, and the next book. I wanted to read them all because I was enjoying it.
Then, I remembered when he told me we were like Katherine and Heathcliff. I remember it, but I don’t feel it anymore just like I don’t feel anything anymore.
So, I read Wuthering Heights.
Which brought me to another time when he and I argued over whether it was Anna Karenina or Anna Karen.
So, I read Anna Karenina.
Not, my favorite story, but there was a story beyond Anna Karenina which started in Volume eight.
In volume eight, Tolstoy shares more of a personal essay into what was happening in his life at the time. For me, it was a profound moment reading volume eight. My mother had been tiresome during the night. I was up all night making sure she was ok, and didn’t have any more strokes. But, this night she was particularly hard on me. I couldn’t even stay in the room with her.
I had to finish reading this book.
When…with the reading of seven little words, my world changed.
I nearly dropped the book out of my hands.
What, just happened?! Why was he at the center of the sentence?!
Memories, the past, all flooded my mind trying to comprehend.
I had loved him more than I had ever loved any other man in my life. Yet, I had never been able to tell him, or share with him how thankful I was just to have known him.
I felt a connection to him – at the time – I thought, would never end.
Unfortunately, for me…I don’t feel anymore. I have a complete disconnection from my heart and have been disconnected for years.
However, had I not read Twilight, I would not have read Wuthering Heights, had I not read Wuthering Heights, I would not have read Anna Karenina, had I not read Anna Karenina, I would not have leaned an appreciation for reading and classical literature.