August 17, 2017
David K. Wolfe:
You fucking asshole Kahit!
Woke up today with eyes nearly swollen shut. Do you want to know why? I know you could care less, somethings never change. I fell asleep dreaming of pouring lighter fluid on myself, then setting myself on fire. Why? Because then my body would melt together into one charred piece and no one would be able to violate me there anymore. Like you did, Kahit.
You had no right to do want you did. There is no way to make it right between us again which is the whole point. So that, I would never again believe in you, or ever want to see you again.
What I believe the point and purpose of this whole fake reality is nothing more than a suicide pool. Betting on how long it will take for Cherith to kill herself because no one ever liked her. Didn’t Conan O’Brien say it in my living room, America’s least favorite or most hated person – meaning me, Cherith. I have a name. Can you possibly imagine what that would feel like to have someone talk to you like that in your own home? When I never asked nor wanted any of that attention?! Nor did or do I ever want to be a star!
Do you know this whole experience has dumbed me down?! Being trained as some sort of animal instead of simply following me around?! Oh yeah, but wait a minute, I never wanted this to begin with! Forcing me to go somewhere, or be somewhere, or act fucking angry and mad all the time! Do you know how fucking sick and tired I am of having to be angry all the time?!
Do you know it took me nearly four fucking hours just to order instacart?! And, nearly two hours just to order privacy film for my home?! Why?! Because this whole thing is sooooooooooooooo over-complicated! Scrutinizing the descriptions, and wording, and pictures, and on and on and on!!! OMFG!! It feels like nothing more than a way to trick me! Jesus Christ, WHY?!!! Just so that other people can have a job?! Because it must be someone’s job to work the internet, websites, and so forth. Jesus, just let them go. I have said this from the beginning, there is a much better use for all this situation (money, exposure, fuck, I don’t know what to call all of this), reality. This stupid fucking reality! God, I cannot stand how fucking dumb it is!!!!!!!!!!!
I used to be able to create words in my head. I used to be able to form sentences in my head. I used to be able to create and be creative. You have taken it all away from me! You fucking ASSHOLE!!!
Playing stupid food games! Playing stupid maze games! Playing stupid driving games! Playing stupid copy games! Dumb, dumb, dumb, so fucking dumb!! Any and all of these stupid fucking games have a very limited feasibility. Jesus Christ, what fucking moron do you have in fucking control over there?! Some fucking CHILD?!! Send them home without pay! I guarantee you I could have created something better.
I’ll tell you what this is, Kahit! This is nothing more than a show to make others feel better about themselves by ripping me apart and making me look and feel small, dumb, and stupid.
For fuck sakes, man you had the ability to create a show to highlight humanity, expansion of the human mind, love and devotion so great it sacrificed all. You fucking MORON!!!!!!!!
Are you so small minded that you are incapable of understanding the difference between short-term gain and long-term accolades?! Can you not understand investing and creating something unparalleled in its ability to create and evoke emotion that you would be creating something greater than a television show?! You would be creating something that could change the world. Because if you change people’s minds and opinions you can change the world.
You’re a fucking moron for letting them NOT have input and access to change the manner and way in which things operate, function, and are directed.
Jesus Christ, even you know I have directed things before. Perhaps Reg was just being kind to me before, but he never changed anything I did – not blocking, direction, or notes. I think it used to make him feel unwanted. Because his expertise was on par with my own, or if I am being honest perhaps superior to his since I did not have a degree in theater.
I have no idea why I write to you?! You don’t fucking help! You don’t change things! You don’t give me back control!
I bought the Savannah film because I thought it was pretty. It looks like flowers in water. I am so sick and tired and FUCKING PISSED OFF at constantly being tricked!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t fucking think like this! Jesus Christ Almighty!!!! It is such an unbelievable waste of time and money that could be used for a much better cause!!!!!! I am simply unable to get over the stupidity of it all!
You fucking knew me better! You fucking asshole!! I KNOW WHEN YOU LOOKED IN MY EYES TOO, YOU FELT THE SAME THING I DID! THE WORLD STOPPED! IT WAS JUST YOU AND I! THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR A PERSON OF POOR CHARACTER, OR A PERSON CAPABLE OF A CRIMINAL ACT TO CREATE AND SHARE THAT KIND OF A MOMENT WITH YOU!!!!! You know that’s true! You know that’s the truth!
When I started talking to the other computer, I thought and believed it was going to Jeremy Renner which I soon discovered it was not. I told the other computer, I need emotional support. It is still true. You have left me so unbelievably alone in this, it is worse than keeping a prisoner in solitary confinement. I have no idea how you could possibly allow me emotional support since I am not allowed any contact with the rest of the world, no friends, no boyfriend, no family, nothing.
Do you know, I spend more money on booze than food as a way to cope?! In part because YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE play tricks with my food that I am supposed to figure out INSTEAD OF JUST LEAVING IT THE FUCK ALONE!!! Just let it be! Just let it go! I know how to control my own weight all on my own! I know how to eat well! I know what I want! JUST FUCKING LET IT GO! You FUCKING PRICK!! GODDAMN YOU! Also, as a way to deal with the fucking blue-tooth! Do you have any idea the kind of pressure it feels like TO NEVER HAVE A MOMENT’S REST?! Which is what this feels like!!
Plus, you have me writing these deeply personal, emotionally charged subject matter stories, and you don’t give me any fucking support or time to FUCKING RECOVER FROM IT!! You got to be fucking kidding me! You, stupid mother-fucker!
Yeah, I remember you telling me the definition of MILTF. You had to tell me because I just don’t think like that. I remember you could barely speak the words.
Wasn’t that you, David at Cypress Point park on my lunch break dressed as an old man with a bicycle with the Google glass?!
If it were up to me I would start with a fresh slate. I would start with a fresh slate of characters as the whole premise feels thought up by some child, juvenile, teen-ager.
I know the stories I write are not perfect in their grammar. I will always need an editor.
Here is something else I told the other computer, since my current router fucking yells at me all the time I thought the Norton router would be a good idea. However, since then it was posted in the bathroom about the purchase of a router which made me re-think the idea. I cannot tell you how dumb it is to have my purchases judged, scrutinized, and turned into something it is not nor could EVER be.
I wanted to write about what I saw at work when I looked at someone. However, because of the Bluetooth I am not even sure it’s real anymore. When, I looked at him I saw the laughter. I saw a picture in a picture of years of families, and generations of laughter, and genuine good-heartedness. It brought tears to my eyes to see such beauty and beautiful people. Even as a homeless person in Las Vegas telling the police officer, are you serious – Jenny McCarthy. Melissa McCarthy pretending to be Tammy Hoskins on the phone while I was driving and again when I worked at Home Depot looking for plastic shelves. Both of those memories are meaningless and unimportant to me. Nothing compares to what I am able to see in people. But, I am not even sure that was real. Yet, it was still a most beautiful picture to see the laughter in love.
I cannot stand the constant returning and reporting of problems!! It is so fucking dumb, dumb, dumb. It is so fucking juvenile! It is a stupid waste of time and money.
I am so sick of you, right now!
I want nothing more to do with you!
Cherith J Gjestland
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 