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October 4, 2018
08:00
So, what just happened? I doubt I will be surprised.
I just took a picture on my phone of my car and me with some beers. I used to be pretty. I used to be active. I used to be enjoyable to be around. I used to be someone who wanted to find a way to make every person laugh. Now, look at me. I have been sold as a human being to what? A woman?
I dated a man, slept with a man, so, of course, Cherith must change.
I have written about how beautiful David was when I saw him laugh. How much I wanted to be near him, to touch him after seeing him fall to the floor in laughter. It is to me the best way to see into a person’s soul. Get them to laugh so hard they cannot breathe, gasping for air, slapping their legs, squeezing their eyes shut. Then, make them laugh again and again until they are squeezing their legs together without realizing it trying to hold it in. Then, get them to laugh again that laugh that people will do anything for, forget about societal rules be willing to pee their pants and not be ashamed if they could but get one more breath to laugh some more.
It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen in people. Vulnerable, without falseness, pretense, or disguise. Every person I have ever met, well the ones I liked, I wanted to see if I could get them to laugh that laugh. So, I could see them. See who they truly are. So, of course because I had written about this and dated a man, I must change from that. I have yet to laugh like that since before this house. I have yet to make others laugh like that also.
Look at the photo on my phone compared to the person I was and was photographed as at The Container Store. Too bad I wasn’t allowed to keep any photos of myself since this house. Hackers, flow-techs have made it, so I am not able to access my photos and files.
Wow, you people have done a really good job with me!
Is Cherith an Anglophile? Then, she must change.
Is Cherith a Francophile? Then, she must change.
Is Cherith a Cinephile? Then, she must change.
Honestly, I could go on with their list of everything they have taken from me. Just to change me.
I have said this from the beginning. It has always been me. It is not chemistry between me and any other man or person. It might have been David. Was there another man behind David? Who knows now. I am the one people want to see, I have been the one people want to watch. I know. I am not interested in sounding like I am bragging. I am merely speaking truth and debunking falsehoods, misguidance, and misdirection.
All I have wanted, what has mattered the most to me was to be loved by a man, born male who loves women, who were born female, and share an intimate life together. Nothing else is worth replacing that for.
I feel this person about, or thinking about that is, a person, I think a woman who believed I should be a star like my mother talked about. So, she devised these workplaces and house in an attempt to get me to be more interested in fame than love, loving a man, and being loved by a man.
She couldn’t be more wrong.
More than ever, what I want, is to be loved by a real man and share a life with him.
Her notions, her ideas, her perspective and viewpoint are all wrong in concept and thought for me. It says more about her than it does about me.
To think that an actor or actress should renounce their family and friends be secluded and isolated from the entire world for a camera, television, and fame says more about her than it does about me or the industry itself.
Are there other actors who live in absolute isolation for the camera? No.
Are there other actors who live without the ability to communicate with the outside world or have a family life for the camera? No.
Are there other actors who must live without being able to have a healthy sex-life that they want? No.
If I had been allowed to date men I wanted to date and who wanted to date me, then they wouldn’t have been able to put on a show. Because I would rather be married and live that life than be on television or film.
Now, I wonder if the curriculum at my first theater class, 1998(?) was not a warning to me. I wonder if it was not warning me about a woman people were aware of with an obsessive fix on me.
Chemical dependency – people who have a chemical dependency and/or addiction usually fluctuate in their weight, this is one reason the bulked weight on my physical frame. To look more like her idea and want for me. To match her. More importantly, they added ten plus pounds as retribution against the United States government, its agencies, the White House, the President of the United States, and Vice President of the United States – both as personal attacks – and, everything the United States government stands for. Make no mistake about it, I am correct. The weight gain was a personal message. Make no mistake about it.
I must return to the white weight I was several months ago. Or, you have no clue as to what is actually happening. Do not mistake them using my body and physical frame as a personal message to the United State government and its President.
There is no reason why my garage is not functioning. My garage door not working is more of a problem then you realize.
The last thing I want are speakers in my balcony.
Yeah, guess what no matter what foods or drinks I buy and purchase regardless it will always be white it cannot change color, no matter the route, no matter.
Whatever happened to truth in reporting?
WE - DO NOT AGREE! 