Author: Dgbcfhn

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!  At this time because of work problems no African-American men or black men.  This actually hurts my feelings to write that.  I cannot believe I am writing this, but Murphy said, he doesn’t mind me including this part of the disclaimer, he knows it has nothing to do with the color of their skin, as do I know it.

There will be no Coffee and Breakfast today.  It has been more than twenty-four hours since I’ve eaten.  I had cups of coffee when I woke up, but I have not had solid food in more than twenty-four hours.  This is not a norm for an adult of my age.  I will not write the good stuff until this has relented, surrendered, and given themselves the pink-slip.

We all suffer because of someone else’s tampering, interference, and involvement.  We all suffer because of it.

As Murphy brings his brows down while I am talking to him as if to say, concern.  Both Maurice and Lambert should be more stable by now.  They should not be shaking so after all this time.  Why is that?!  Because of people in my house?!  Seriously, unacceptable!!!!

I am still thinking about a Coffee and Breakfast not just for last night, but for myself as well.

Because of an altered photograph I saw, I nearly didn’t write anything at all because I was so mortified.  It is so disrespectful.  It is an all-stop for me.  It is a something I would never respond to.  Because it is so undignified.

Until then, let me tell you of a true story, I planted flowering peanut in my front yard of my house.  They are a good plant, require not much water that is important so as not to waste resources.  They cover the ground keeping weeds from causing problems and hindering the landscape with eyesores.  I planted Wisteria, I did want it to do more, not cold enough here.  Geraniums are also good, they keep certain bugs away naturally.  Yet, I so enjoyed my Allium.  They have a nice tall flower, it covers the ground, and the colors go so nicely with flowering peanut.  And, that just happens to be a true story.

I believed the story went that Jesus washed Mary’s feet when she tried to wash his feet.  However, my internet is trying to tell me a different story.

Where and to who this took place matters not anymore, however it is still true.  Once I said I have a theory about cats – that they communicate with their eyes.  He will remember it.

Please, do not misunderstand me, both Lambert and Murphy would be very good husbands.  Lambert, I have yet to create the best character for him, but he is most like a 007, or secret agent, smart, capable, lethal, and so good.  Both Lambert and Maurice have salt and pepper whiskers.  Lambert’s are, if you were to look at just his whiskers, stick nearly straight out from his mouth and are ridiculously long.  Murphy is so smart, sharp, sturdy, solid, dependable, and so cute with his white whiskers.

Ta-ta for now.  Until the heaviness relents there will not be much here.

Have you figured out the code yet?

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

Due to safety concerns at this time there will be no access to African-American men or black men.

Did they truly ruined and damage my Brita water and filter?!

The carpeting is ruined here from all the forced steaming.

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

Due to safety concerns at this time there will be no access to African-American men or black men.

Nearly passed out working tonight.  Because I had gone outside on my balcony before work– again this has to do with day shifters messing about in my head and how it transfers – they turned up the heat on my station.  I thought I was going to pass out.  I could barely move.

I haven’t eaten in nearly twenty hours, I am still full.  I haven’t eaten in nearly twenty hours and I am still full.  Who is going to correct this problem?!  It is normal to eat several meals throughout the day.  It is not normal to eat less than 300 calories a day, be gorged in the belly, weighed down and heavy.

Who is going to correct my soap problem?  They have added weight to my soap.

This is really someone’s idea of a job list all the problems someone does in my home while I am at work?!  It is so disgusting.

Star Wars you have a woman to blame for losing me as an audience member.  Because of her I will not be able to in any way support what has been a most criminal of activities.

For the millionth time I am not a woman’s baby.  It is not possible.  I will never love David, but that doesn’t mean in any way that I will go the way of woman?!  So, fucking stupid!

Do you think any logical person would ever be able to love a man who used them as a dog, told them the greatest they ever saw in them was to be re-trained as a dog?!  Or, a cat?!  It is so disturbing!

Tell me why do I use a grocery service if the only thing it does is abuse me?!  Take my money and disfigure me?!

Do you know what it is like to live without soap or shampoo?  I do.  So, I always keep a supply of soap or shampoo.  Guess what, most people do that.  Most people use more than one soap.

No, a game on my device does not rule over my choices or change my mind.

Until that bitch gets off her throne, off the podium, off the bridge, I am not writing.  I am looking for another job.

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

Orange is not to be briefed.

Tell me why would I do something or anything just because it was a celebrity who said it?

You are mistaken, I will not be writing about a him just because I spoke with him, I have my reasons.

Do not misunderstand me, Lambert and Murphy would also make excellent husbands.  I would write them very well.  He is still Lambert the Good.  Murphy is still Magnificent.  But, someone is keeping me from being able to write and be creative.  Because they believe the greatest of my abilities is to clean.  And, nothing else.

You did not understand me about the military and David, this is not the White House, no longer am I able to want anything to do with David.  Human relationships do not work this way.  You have denied me male physical relationships for more than six years now.  All these years amount to nothing more than abuse and being abused.  I want nothing to do with my abusers and those who have deceived me, used me, lied to me, tortured me, for money.

For my own reasons that I will not share I threw it away.  This is an impossible place for friendship and love to exist.  Sometimes for my animals also.

This started because I dated men?  Because I wanted men?  To date men?  To be loved by men and a man?!  Because once I dated 1, 2, 3 then everything I ever did before had to change?!  Because I dated a man I had to be re-trained by an African-American woman?!  How could that ever make any sense to anyone?  I do not understand it.

Even my animals had to change.

I want it understood the amount of work they went to creating such disastrous trauma in my head, brain, and environment.  Because if they had not the illegal means of basically hurting me, my brain, and my thinking this never would have be able to happen.

When I returned from the driving trip December 2014, January 2015 I was in such a bad, bad way and it was known by those who were monitoring me and listening to me.  I spent days and weeks here with my blinds closed.  Not good. I had no clothing left.  I had given away or thrown away everything I had including my clothing because I was so devastated and did not understand the altering of my clothing.

Do you understand how they tried to make me believe others believed I was nothing more than a pervert and deviant because I dated a man?!  And men.

I had a nervous breakdown at a store December 2014 or January 2015 trying to buy underwear.  I had less than a few pairs of underpants.  I no longer owned a bra.  I had so little and so few clothing items.

However, when I was in the store it was so traumatizing to look at new, clean – and because it was underwear or something personal and intimate I was not able to touch it.  To pick it up.  Or to purchase it.  I ran out of the store, crying.  Ran home, slammed the doors, and tried to figure out how to get back to normal.

Traumatized.  By those who are, in actuality, in my employ and not the other way around.

They had no idea what they were doing.

Educated people, but they had no idea what they were truly doing and creating.

Because of how they turned it into me having to prove my sexuality – James Franco was apart of this, I remember many instances of him talking in my head, torturing me – because of how they used the experience of me dating a man.  It created great damage.  Permanent damage, and they knew it then.  I would go to my computer and write about it.  It is only normal when something is so wrong, so bad, you must tell somebody, and I’ve been allowed, no one.  Except to write, and not even then.  Yet, my writing was never given to the people it was supposed to go to.

When I was driving on that trip in November 2014, I told them in my head how bad it was.  It was like playing the game Operation at over 200 miles an hour while trying to talk and drive at the same time.  That is more than making something difficult or hard – it is abuse and torture and nothing more.  I would stop at rest areas and I was still not allowed a moment.  People shoved in front of me.  On and on.

If you are able to imagine it was like the walls were screaming at me, the ceilings were screaming at me, the trees were screaming at me, the cars were screaming at me, the sky was screaming at me, everything in my surround was screaming at full volume 24 hours a day.  Torture.

The damage done was and is so severe that when I drove to Key West in 2015 and went to the Dolphin research place I was still not able to eat fish.  They wanted me to order a fish something.  I had seen Werner that day.  But, the trauma was so severe I could not.  I could not.  I could not order fish to eat.  So many years later, and I could still not eat fish.  I ordered turkey something.

How do I get to go to a therapist and get counselling for something like this?!  Well, you see I am unable to eat fish, or milk, or cream, or cheese, or alcohol because it means women and dogs and on and on, stupid nonsense.

It is beyond hurtful.

No one.  No person will ever be able to understand the damage it has done because it will not be able to heal.  I do not see it being able to heal.  Even if all this ended and I was able to return to normal, it would not heal.

They want me to write that the code for flow is Florida, ow.  It isn’t true though.

Men are men and women are women.  A man is not able to be a woman.  A woman is not able to be a man.  They are not interchangeable.  In the past, at work they have placed women in front of me, I am supposed to know that it is a man in my head with a woman in front of me “acting” out the part of the man.  WTF?!  How is this acceptable?!  How is this acceptable in a workplace environment?!  It is like having women come on to me at work and I am not able to go to Human Resources and file sexual harassment.

Something bad has happened that I am unable to figure out.  Once this oppressive heaviness has been added to my scale and workload like a burden there is something in my brain that is causing a problem.  Besides what they add to my food without my consent.  No person should have food given to them that is chemically altered or with any extra ingredients.  It is causing something in my brain.  Or perhaps it is just because I am not allowed to go outside anymore.  A lack of vitamin D, and E.  Or, what they have done to the air filters in my home.  Or who knows.

Whatever they are doing to my food and products it is keeping my varicose veins in worse condition.

No, my job is not to clean to a white glove inspection before I go to work or leave my home or while I am at home every day.  Who do you think you are?!

It has been made completely understood to me this week that no person will ever be able to understand the complete damage and trauma that these years here have done to me.

When I took care of my mother I used to watch certain shows just to be able to hear people talking.  Because I had forgotten what it sounded like, what it looked like to be able to talk to another human being.  Another woman in my life will never be what I want or need.  It will always be a man.  A man who isn’t afraid of me because I am a lot of woman.  Not in size.  My spirit is greater than most.

All because I wanted to be loved by a man.

And, still am denied being able to be loved by a man.

Denied my constitutional right to pursue happiness.

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

Truly, are you fucking kidding me that it was thought so impossible that a woman, that I, a woman, would be able to have skills and abilities that I do in being able to understand, know, have instinct, and skills?!  Paul Newman, said once that he believed women could not be race car drivers, that only men could be race car drivers.  Please do not – this cannot be the actual reason and truth behind the removal of my reproductive organs.

If you want to know, the taxi cab dispatcher job that I turned down despite the interview, the office, the parking lot, there was a moment at the coffee pot that I cleaned or something in the break room that made a moment in time for me.  A something that I could not understand, I guess because some people do not know where their boundaries lie.

What is so special about me that for decades I have been followed, monitored, spied on, and most important of all left all my life without ever being allowed to be loved by a man?!

I knew for years that my neighbors used their children to relay messages back to their parents or other elders.  I always found it disgusting and perverse.  I thought and think children should play, have fun, enjoy their life, and not grow up before their time.  I know a little something about growing up too quickly.  It happens to a lot of children, and childhood once gone is gone.  Children should remain innocent as long as possible.  I rationalized that parents were training their kids to be weary and careful.  I gave them the benefit of the doubt.  Still, I found it disgusting and perverse.

Why spy on me all these years?  Why watch me from the cameras in stores?  I remember the “mother” who supposedly lost her child at Target.  I had no emotion hearing her yell for her child.  It was not my child.  I have no training about what to do when a child goes missing.  More importantly, she was making it up and pretending her child was missing.  Or it would have sounded differently.  I would have read her differently.  I had not one moment of uncertainty, her child was not missing.

Did they actually want to catch him on an underage rape charge since I was 17?!  A few days away from being 18?!  I was basically 18 years old.  Did I surprise you and them with my cleverness?

I would have to go back and work in my head to remember the exact timing of this, I went to the post office at the airport.  It was on my drive home, the reason I went to that post office.  Walking in and walking out, when…what is that?!  A school bus in the parking lot.  It was dark.  It was the middle of the night.  Why is there a school bus in the parking lot?!  You cannot tell me that an actual school bus driver would or could or should be out at that time of day.  Plus, and here’s is the tip-off, why are all the windows blacked out?!  WTF?!  At the time I thought it was a way to bring in something like a SWAT team inconspicuously.  Why somebody wanted to show me that, I have no idea.

I need it to be understood that day-shifters and night-shifters are creating a disturbance and problem in my home.  People who are watching and monitoring me while I am at home and what they do while watching me is creating a problem and disruption in what I would normally do.  For instance, as soon as a food arrives, there are people who are pushing, pushing, pushing for me to eat all the food as soon as possible.  There is also, the alcohol.  As soon as I am finished drinking coffee, there is the push, push, and push on me and my head to drink.  I would not normally do this.  I would wait until it was my dinner-time before I would consume alcohol.  But, they failed to realize that it transfers over in a way.  So, if someone is on a day-shift and they start drinking or thinking about it – it transfers over into my head making me not able to do things correctly for me and myself.

I do not understand this food problem.  You failed to help.  You failed to help me.  You only created a problem out of cruelty.

What has happened before is if I had done as told to do then they use an air-fan that is a weight-loss spray.  Would anyone be able to imagine such a thing as spraying the air to lose weight?  I wouldn’t.  I defy everyone in doing what I am told to do rather than what I believe I should.

It needs to be written again – going inside to pay for gas is teacher training.  I never had to do that before 1, 2, 3, and the teacher.

I have decided since people are controlling my food making it excessively heavy my creative stories, Coffee and Breakfast are on hold until you figure it out I am not able to go back to those men who have hurt me for so many years!

I want it known, it is important that what I wanted, planned in my head, thought through as to the cost, benefit, and greatest need, I had an exact order that I wanted to proceed.  I wanted my A/C first, then my car, then the appliances.  Because they have a way of manipulating and controlling things – they and what I decided was best for me is now out of order.  Again.

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

NO, I AM NOT REPLACING EVERY GODDAMN LIGHTBULB IN MY HOUSE!  I AM NOT CHANGING THEM BECAUSE OF THE DESCRIPTION OF THE COLOR, OR BECAUSE YOU ILLEGALLY PLANTED LISTENING DEVICES INTO THEM!

WHOSE FUCKING MONEY IS THIS ANYWAYS?!  IT IS NOT YOURS!

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

GET THIS FUCKING BITCH OUT OF MY FUCKING HEAD BEFORE I PUNCH SOMEBODY’S FUCKING HEAD! 

NO, YOU DO NOT GET TO TELL ME WHEN AND WHAT TO CLEAN IN MY OWN HOME ON MY DAYS OFF FROM WORK WHEN I AM NOT ON THE FUCKING CLOCK!

NO, YOU DO NOT GET TO TELL ME WHEN TO CLEAN MY FLOOR, MY CLOTHES, THE LITTER, OR WHAT FUCKING UNDERWEAR TO WEAR!

NO, YOU DO NOT GET TO MANIPULATE ME IN MY HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSE!

NO, I DO NOT NEED YOU!  I WILL NOT GIVE YOU MY SUPPORT!

FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF NOW!

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

They control the garbage around here.  It is timed to whatever I am doing in my home.  So, the garbage was not picked up yesterday until I opened and heated a – can.  They were not going to pick up my garbage until I shoved food in my mouth!

No, it is not good vibes in a garage!

They use the garage below my house to create vibrations causing me to urinate!  And, you expect me to be happy when they cause me to urinate BY ILLEGAL MEANS!!!!

EVERYTHING AROUND HERE IS ILLEGAL!  THIS HOUSE IS ILLEGAL!  THE ELECTRONICS ARE ILLEGAL!  THE CHEMICALS THEY USE ARE ILLEGAL!  EVERYTHING THEY HAVE DONE INCLUDING DAVID IS ILLEGAL!

THE ADJOING WALLS ARE ILLEGAL!  THE ADJOINING UNITS ARE ILLEGAL!  THE NEIGHBORS ARE ILLEGAL!

NO, YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPD FUCKS I AM NOT JULIA ROBERTS!

FORCING A PERSON TO URINATE IS DISGUSTING!  ILLEGAL AND DISGUSTING!

JUST BECAUSE THERE ARE WORDS SPOKEN IN A MOVIE DOES NOT MEAN IT HAS TO PLAY OUT ON MYSELF!  IT IS ILLEGAL! 

URINATION IS NOT SEX OR SEXY!  IT IS NOT TRAINING!  IT IS DISGUSTING!  IT IS ILLEGAL!

Disclaimer: Men Born Male Only, No Gays, No Skirt Wearing Fairies, No Transgender, No Tires, No Women Allowed!

 

I should not have to write this.  It should be proof enough that I do not use or choose it that I am smart enough all on my own without the help of a teacher or tutelage.  There has already been too much Salvador DalÍ parking.  The parental relation script and storyline WAS NEVER VALID TO BEGIN WITH!  YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE REMOVED MY ORGANS!  THERE ARE NO MORE EXCUSES ANYMORE!  YOU ARE OUT OF EXCUSES FOR REMOVING MY ORGANS!  IT IS TIME YOU CONFESSED AND TOLD THE TRUTH ABOUT ITS TRUE PURPOSE!

The idiocy that I must write this is so unbelievable!  I am not Superman!  I am not a man!  I am not a dude!  I do not nor have I ever believed I was a man or believed I was pretending to be a dude!  He might have the same initials as myself, but that does not make him me!  I am me!  There will never be anyone like me in all of time!  There has never been anyone like me before me!  I am not following a movie script!  You have been wrong about me since the beginning or this never would HAVE HAPPENED!

IF YOU HAVEN’T GUESSED I AM STILL UPSET ABOUT MY HAIR!  IF YOU HAVEN’T GUESSED I AM STILL UPSET ABOUT THE WEIGHT APPLIED AND ADDED TO MY BODY!  IF YOU HAVEN’T GUESSED I AM STILL UPSET ABOUT THE MORNING OF AUGUST 11, 2018 HAVING TO ENDURE THE SENSATIONS THEY PUT IN MY BODY WHILE LISTENING TO THE SOUND OF CHILDREN OUTSIDE MY WINDOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT IS SO GROSS!  IT IS SO DISGUSTING!  I AM OUT OF WORDS FOR THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME!

NO, I WILL NOT BE WATCHING THE SOUND OF MUSIC!  NO, I WILL NO LONGER BE MASTERBATING!  IT IS SO DISGUSTING!

NO LOVE IN MY LIFE!  NO MALE RELATIONSHIPS!  NO MALE FLESH THAT I GET TO LOVE ALL MY OWN!  AND, THAT IS WHAT I HAVE TO LIVE WITH???!!!!  THE SOUND OF CHILDREN!

THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR THE AMOUNT AND DEGREE THAT I AM UPSET!!!