Category: Uncategorized

Because he asked it of me, I thought about it some more.

The truth is, I have no idea who was in charge of punishing me for using the correct toilet.  I would do it again.  I would make sure that I did not use a toilet after speaking in my head to Michelle Obama.  It is more important that criminals are locked up.

It is beyond reprehensible to me to associate a toilet with a person or the color of their skin.

I would do it again.

Yes, I choose correctly when I voted.  My well of truth told me so.  If you hadn’t noticed I was ready long before anyone showed up.  See, I made the connection between the man I saw from Africa and Matt Damon.  Now, how could I do that?!  Did they tell me, or did I do that?!

The great thing about Matt Damon is when I spoke to him while working at Disney the second time my stomach was pulled to my backbone.  He was the opposite of a bloated belly.  I’ll let you go through all his movies to figure out the connections.

The difference was this morning.  No one has any idea how exacting, demanding, difficult, and unlike anything in the world – what they have done to my body and living this kind of life – is like.

He asked it of me this morning.

I would ask you to understand that every single person in the world gets to be mad at me, co-workers, neighbors, people driving by, my employers, former acquaintances, supervisors, managers, people on the street, anyone and everyone gets to be mad at me, yelling at me, saying horrible things, torturing me, hurting me, harming me, depriving me, isolating me, and what I get to do in return – is just take it.

I reach a breaking point.  I am only human.

Me screaming horribleness is usually a breaking point.  Screaming just so somebody will finally hear me.

If you think about it this is more than a problem for me.

What happens when you torture a prisoner to get information?  Do they tell you the truth or do they scream just to be heard?

Remember I did not choose this life, I would leave in an instant never to return.  So, what was the point of all of this?  These years?

I have no idea who was in charge or allowed to be in my head leading up to me blaming Michelle Obama for what happened to my hair.  Whoever was in charge should be fired and not allowed within the premises or anywhere near me.

The same holds true for my weight loss choice.  I was made beyond violently ill because I choose something else than what I was told to do.  I am not trying to lose 50 or 100 pounds again.

I saw him.  He is not a purchase.

Do they not understand that people are not products, objects, brands, items, or for sale?!

I saw him.  There was nothing wrong with him.  However, I chose correctly.  For it I was made violently ill.

Do you understand how many times I have chosen correctly the first time to be made to go through it all over again told to do it differently only to in the end be told I was correct the first time?!

To be yelled at, written up for doing what I thought was extraordinary is beyond my comprehension.  To then be told it was all a performance and not real is beyond hurtful and disappointing for me.  Because the damage caused was most definitely real.

I have a list a mile long of items I need.  Who’s going to pay for all that?!

What a lousy thing they did to my bed.  Who’s going to pay for a new one?

Tired of living like this.

Day 1,560.

I am not eating.  Have whatever you would like to eat.

Tired of cleaning.  In my mind I am letting someone else clean, tired of the task, and tasks.

I am sick with upset and sadness because how many years must I live like this?  Without a man, living with me, taking care of me, sharing a life with me?

I feel like a prisoner and nothing more.  When I have done nothing wrong.

There is no reason, none, for me to live all alone like this for all these years.  There is no reason I have been made to live alone for decades.

I am angry with upset.

How many more years?

How many more years must I be alone?

This woman cannot live alone her whole life, she never has wanted to.

This woman cannot live in her head all alone – only.

Sick to death of being made to swallow for no reason.

Barney, best gentleman of a cat lived to be 21.

I don’t know how many years I must say this, it doesn’t work in my head alone.  Never has.  Never will.

Day 1,559.

When I was work, I was thinking to myself, if you thought about it there could be a lot of ways to celebrate the party moment I wrote about a few days again.

If you thought about it – it could be a charity event.  It could be an expensive plate per person dinner with the proceeds going to a charity in celebration of the party moment.  Or, any cost charity event celebrating a party moment.  Raising money for others as a party.

If you thought about it could be a local event.  Perhaps the local library needs to be refurbished, added on to, updated.  Perhaps one of the schools need a new gym, or permanent structures added, or help with a program.  Where the community could gather perhaps at the location and funds could go to the local need as a party moment.

If you thought about it perhaps a neighbor is in need, or a family, or a local park or pool, a hospital, or clinic, or road clean-up, or anything.  Where neighbors and the community could gather helping one another in celebration of a moment.  If you thought about it the possibilities are endless.

If you thought about it – it could become a worldwide movement of a moment.

What if around the world instead of crimes, killings, problems and tragedies it was reported, word was spread of how the smallest of locations, towns, villages, and biggest of cities took time away from their lives and gave of themselves, their time, their energy to have a party moment?

What would happen if around the world the news became stories of parties?  With a question mark at the end of each asking, now what will you do?

What if it became an annual movement?

What if it became an International holiday?

What would happen if countries adopted a party moment?

What if it became a humanitarian day?

What if countries adopted a humanitarian day to celebrate?  Where people gave of themselves in some way, but it didn’t end with the event it ends asking the next person to take responsibility and action.

What would happen?

What would happen to the world?

Well, it was just a thought.

If you didn’t feel that, here’s how it feels to me.  I enter the cosmos, beyond the atmosphere, thinking of possibilities, then return to my body.  Usually with a heaviness of mind, a slight thud, and sadness because of my life, then go about my way.

Because how it feels and the only way I see it anymore as I am just as much a prisoner as the ones before my eyes.

Otherwise, I would be allowed to live my life in obscurity the way I want.

Put it in perspective, my perspective, I have lived for six years isolated from the rest of the world.  Denied friendships, my pets, my family, boyfriends, and men.

I am sick with upset.

Devastated.

There was no reason for them to place in my body what they did.

None.

I am just heart-breakingly sick.

It is just as easy to exclude you as it is to include you.

I have yet to meet the man that…

If you are wondering, you are correct.  It would have bothered me so much I would have wanted to work it out.  However, what you may not know is that my job is not the best thinking place.  I imagine you knew that.  You expected me to go home and think it through.

My life is not a Hollywood movie – it takes the time it takes.

Someone was pushing for an answer on Sunday.  You receive it on Friday instead.

I am correct.

You know I am.

Perhaps, I will think on it.

Now, why did you do what you did to my beer?

Pizza?!

Based on a conversation I had with a friend after seeing the movie Forest Gump, I have a theory.  Because I disagreed with my friend about the role and importance of intelligence and IQ as being the only determining measure for success in life.

I am not the smartest person in the world, yet the supernatural is real.  God is real.  Angels are real.  There are powers unseen at work in the world.  I know this to be true.  A person can do and be something extraordinary it is not required that they are the most intelligent.

That first car accident had help or it never would have happened to me.

Not everything has to be spelled out in black and white to be understood and spoken.

How Amazon long have worked you for.