September 17, 2019: READ: WARNING: I Am Not Amused

September 17, 2019

I am really not amused.  Because I was coughing up blood from being overheated and overcome by the heat last week, they have decided to cripple my air-conditioner.

No one, and they, are really not interested in me surviving being terminated and fired from Amazon, for doing nothing wrong.

Yes, this man who was coughing next to the room I was in when they terminated me, it appears people are conspiring against him because this man really does know how to sexually please me.

Be careful Tim, and my military men, it looks like at least one person wants to make sure the US military is weakened without me. The phone call my father received today, proves it.

DDLM

September 16, 2019: READ: Upset.

September 16, 2019

I am simply too upset and hurt beyond words.  All my writing, I’ve placed on hold and haven’t published, and I’ve stopped notetaking.

Probably someone thought they needed to make me famous, as a way to stop the attacks.  What they forgot to realize, or failed to realize, all it would have taken would be for me to truthfully understand all the work, I’ve already done.

There is no reason for this televised life to continue with me all alone.  You have taught my father to live without me, and my brother to live without me, as if you are preparing them for my death and funeral.

Shame on all of you for not allowing me to get married for real, and love for real.

I cannot stand your deception.

I am so upset, I am not reading or writing, anymore.

September 14, 2019: READ: WARNING: STOP DECODING!

September 14, 2019

Jesus fucking Christ!  I have yet to see or read ANY PERSON who is able to accurately decode movies, television, film, or books, concerning me, OTHER THAN MYSELF!  DO THE WHOLE GODDAMN WORLD A FAVOR AND STOP FUCKING DECODING!  YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU ARE DOING!

YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!  YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME, IF ANY PERSON ACTUALLY THOUGHT, IN TWILIGHT, BELLA (BELLA IS NOT REALLY ISABELLA FROM WUTHERING HEIGHT, FOLLOW THAT LEAD IF YOU WANT TO, IT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE!), IF YOU THOUGHT BELLA HAD TO CHANGE, HAD ANYTHING TO DO WHATSOEVER WITH TRANSGENDER, SEXUAL RE-ASSIGNMENT SURGERY, BEING ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN, OR ANYTHING WHATSOEVER THAT RESEMBLES THE WRITING OF THE BOOKS, OR MOVIES!  LITERALLY!

BY THE WAY, THAT IS MY REAL MOTHER ON THE GURNEY, HAVING ME AS A CHILD, YOU DUMB FUCKS!

DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU RIDE A HORSE, YOU STUPID, FUCKING PEOPLE?!  DO YOU?!  YOU BREAK THEM!  THAT IS ALL THE BACK MEANS IN TWILIGHT, WHEN HER BACK GOES OUT AND EDWARD, HER FUCKING HUSBAND, YOU DUMB FUCKING IDIOTS, CATCHES HER HEAD!  GET IT!  HER HEAD!  IT’S A GODDAMN FUCKING METAPHOR!  YOU STUPID FUCKS!

YOU FUCKING MORONS ARE CONFUSING STORY-TELLING WITH ACTUAL FACT!  JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!  STORY-TELLING, SO PEOPLE WILL BE ENTERTAINED, AND PEOPLE WILL BE ABLE TO MAKE MONEY OFF IT!  STORY-TELLING!

I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW FUCKING STUPID, YOU FUCKING MORONS LOOK!  AT THIS MOMENT, YOU MAKE ME ASHAMED TO BE AN AMERICAN BECAUSE THIS LOOKS LIKE PURPOSEFUL INTENT – FROM AMERICANS, AGAINST ME AND MY FAMILY BECAUSE WE ARE ALSO, AMERICAN!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!  NEED TO KNOW!  FOR FUCKS SAKES!  I’VE BEEN ABOVE YOUR PAY-GRADES ON PURPOSE!  THEY CHOSE ME TO KEEP THE SECRETS BECAUSE I HAD ALREADY PROVEN TO THE VERY TOP MOST CLASSIFIED PERSONS, I AM ABLE TO NOT DIVULGE INFORMATION, I AM A PROVEN FAIL-SAFE, AND YOU FUCKING MORONS THOUGHT I WAS NOTHING, AND ALL OF YOU WITH YOUR BADGES, HAD ALL OF THE FUCKING INFORMATION WHEN YOU’VE OBVIOUSLY, HAVE NOT!

CHARLIE, FROM TWILIGHT HUGGING HIS DAUGHTER AFTER SHE’S BECOMES A VAMPIRE, MY DAUGHTER THAT LOOKS LIKE MY DAUGHTER, BUT NOT, YOU KNOW WHY?!  BECAUSE OF THE ACTRESS’ BODY SIZE! 

THE CREEPY EYES IN TWILLIGHT, REALLY NOT THAT INTERESTING, BUT THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS: HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TO AN OPTOMITRIST AND HAD THEIR EYES EXAMINED?  EVER HAD YOUR EYES, DILALATED?!  IT’S ALSO IN SHERLOCK, PUPILS DILATED, THAT’S ALL IT IS.

REALLY IT’S JUST SOME SCARY STORY, FROM TWILIGHT, YEAH, LIKE THE SCARY STORY I TOLD TO A ROOM FULL OF GIRLS WHILE AS A PRE-TEEN WHILE HAVING A SLEEPOVER BECAUSE HER GODDAMN FUCKING FATHER WAS WORKING WITH INTELLIGENCE, PROBABLY FBI, AND LITERALLY HAD THE PAPERWORK, FILES, AND SO ON OF MURDER CASES HE WAS WORKING ON AND I FUCKING READ IT WITHOUT EVER HAVING BEEN IN HIS GODDAMN FUCKING OFFICE, I TURNED THE DETAILS INTO A STORY FOR THE GIRLS, SO THEY WOULDN’T BE AFRAID OF WHAT WAS IN THE GODDAMN FUCKING HOUSE!

THIS FUCKING DETAIL ISN’T INTERESTING TO ME EITHER; THE REASON VAMPIRES ARE HARD LIKE MARBLE OR STONE, THIS IS A WOMAN I USED TO WORK WITH AT DILLARD’S WHO SUPPOSEDLY HAD BREAST IMPLANT SURGERY AND IT WHATEVER’ED IN HER BODY AFTER THE SURGERY, SO HER BREASTS WERE UNMOVEABLE, AND HARD, AND BEFORE YOU STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE CAME AROUND I NEVER SAW ANYTHING WEIRD ABOUT GIVING A CO-WORKER A HUG.  I AM A FUCKING FRIENDLY PERSON, YOU DUMB MORONS!  THIS DOESN’T MEAN THIS WOMAN ACTUALLY HAD BREAST IMPLANT SURGERY, SHE COULD HAVE BEEN WERE FAKE BOOBS.  SO WHAT?!  LIKE I’D REALLY GIVE A SHIT.

YOU FUCKING PEOPLE LOOK PERVERSE AS HELL!  YOU DON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, OR YOU REALLY DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ, OR YOU REALLY DON’T THINK I WAS SMARTER THAN YOU BECAUSE I MADE YOU SMILE AND LAUGH AND FEEL UNTHREATENED!

Is this real?  Because if this is true, you have death threats out there, you haven’t gotten rid of all of them.  You placed the blame on my brother to bear the burden of when it was to be revealed, shame on you, he didn’t know what he was doing.  When my brother texted me that he would take the cats, my cats, that is all he wrote, I’ll take the cats.  He didn’t say I would take them to the pound to be killed, people made certain, I did not know this was going to happen or I would never have given them to him. 

I CAN ONLY BE SO UPSET BY THIS BECAUSE IT MUST STILL BE AN ACTIVE AND PRESENT DANGER TO REAL FUCKING PEOPLE, AND THIS INCLUDES CELEBRITIES, I AM STILL SO UPSET ABOUT MY CATS, TUESDAY AND THURSDAY BEING GONE, IT MUST MEAN YOU DUMB FUCKS ALLOWED FOR THERE TO BE REAL DEATH THREATS, REAL KILLS, REAL CONTRACTS, PLACED ON REAL PEOPLE’S LIVES, AND THAT INCLUDES, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS HE WAS SEEN IN THIS HOUSE, WHILE YOU FUCKING MORONS ALLOWED ME TO BE WATCHED IN MY OWN HOME THROUGH THE TELEVISION BECAUSE YOU REALLY HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS AND AM, BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH AS MY THURSDAY!  STRAIGHTEN THIS FUCKING SHIT OUT AND I MEAN – NOW!

THERE ARE REAL DEATH THREATS ON REAL PEOPLE, MORE THAN JUST CELEBRITIES BECAUSE THERE WERE CONNECTIONS MADE TO THEM WHEN I LIVED IN PLANT CITY, FLORIDA, CONNECTIONS MADE THROUGH MY CATS, TUESDAY AND THURSDAY, CATS, ARE SEEN AS – CHILDREN, AND OR, AGAINST CHILD ABUSE AND SEXUAL CHILD ABUSE!  YOU DUMB FUCKING MORONIC PEOPLE!

HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY BROTHER!  HE WILL NEED HELP!  BOYFRIEND, YOU MIGHT NEED TO TALK WITH HIM!  BECAUSE THIS HAS CONNECTIONS WITHIN THE PRISON COMMUNITY!  YOU FUCKING IMBECILES!

EVERY SINGLE DAY, IT IS THE SAME, I AM BEYOND FEVER-PITCH UPSET, ANGRY, MAD BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE ARE STUPID, AND I WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN AFFLIATED WITH ANY OF YOU, HAD I BEEN ABLE TO HAVE ANY AMOUNT OF CONTROL!

David, you seem dishonest at the moment because you included your former girlfriend.  She continues to be a menace to me, and you look like you are enabling her.

David, I have no idea how you could possibly be able to knowingly watch me eat or drink or wash myself that you know has been tampered with and contaminated with to make me heavy, fat, and ugly unless you really are trying and want me to unfriend you, and worse, place death upon you.  No joke.  When you include yourself in this behavior, of air-cheating, you are asking me to literally kill you.  That goes for EVERY person involved in the air-cheating.  You are literally asking and begging me to kill you.  Is that what you really want?  To be dead?  To die?  Really?  All of you?!

And, every person that reads this will also have this information, that people want to die.  I write it so there will be an end to the abuse.  Abusing me with air-cheating.  Be careful, any amount of love I have for a person might not be enough to stop death from happening.

David, Brianna is bitter, bitter, bitter, about how your relationship happened, and ended.  Bitter.  Courtney is angry and entitled to feeling she deserves to have me as a possession, something she owns, like a shirt.  David, why have you never protected me against any of these women, or at all?  Figure that out and you might be able to then live in my heart again.

You understand David, it is not possible for you to be able to knowingly watch fat being added to my body, knowing it is going to hurt and upset me, seeing me bald-ed, knowing it is going to hurt and upset me, and you actually love me.  You can’t possibly love me in any way and have yourself involved with actually hurting and harming me.  You show to the world, you don’t love me.  It is in fact, monstrous and grotesque.

It is in Twilight, when David went to University, I cried so loud every night, for months, I screamed, cried.  It probably has to do with more than him.  Being denied to love a straight man – again.

I don’t appreciate the tricks you played on my skincare products, and the red splotches I have under my eyes.

This other FBI man should know, it appears Edison, has altered my perfumed products because he is threatened and jealous of this other FBI man because this other FBI man is more of a man, an all man, man, than Edison is able or capable of being.

What is the real reason Louis is gone?!  People went to all that work to bring him here, and now he is gone?  What is the real reason?

I am so upset I have stopped reading all of your news sources.

September 12, 2019: READ: Twilight

September 13, 2019

It is, it is just a little bit creepy considering I used to have a vest I wore when I worked at Dillard’s that looked almost identical to Aro in the final scene in Twilight, Breaking Dawn.  Is there really not another person in the world to be of inspiration to any writers, movies, or television, other than me, or now that I know this has been all about me, will it finally end, and you will all move on to someone else.

It was a black vest, dressy, and it had gold, and the buttons, it looked sharp, military, and my mother bought it for me.  It doesn’t make me Aro, morons.  Especially, if you read it correctly, it means you really don’t want the terrorists to win, do you?  Or am I the ONLY one who still believes terrorism in all its varieties can be vanquished – forever?

Alec, the character Alec, from Twilight, does he scare everyone?  Do you want to hurt and harm him?  Well, Alec is nothing more than to say, the actor Alec Baldwin, from the movie The Shadow.  And, what is The Shadow, all about?  A building that an entire city did not realize existed.  And what is a building other than a person’s, brain, mind.

That’s me, as the building, I always liked this movie, I saw it in Hyde Park, Florida.  It is probably the reason, the very lame and dumb reason someone thought a gay, really a gay man, would help me to remember the movie, The Shadow, and its meaning.

Therefore, I am Alec in Twilight, nope, I very much doubt I have ever worked for the enemy; however, as has been previously written, there have been failures, at least one, not of my part, but by our own government, to secure me.  Failures in communications, not of me, of our government.

September 12, 2019: READ: War Horse

September 12, 2019

Heed my every warning, and you might survive.

Probably several of you have already figured out the hidden meanings behind War Horse.  Get off the road, from the movie, Lord of The Rings, this is me on vacation in New Zealand with one of my admirers to my right, and behind me.  And, no, I don’t believe I was in any danger.  You idiots let him get away, not me.

Is it in the original script?  Are the white socked feet of the horse Joey in the original script?  If it is, these are white feet, obviously.

If I don’t like someone, if I don’t like somebody, you should be paying attention and not continuing to make me work with them.  This is the reason Joey starts to run away from the line of stabled horses.

Is the black horse Topthorn original to the script of War Horse?  If it is, then this is the book, The Black Stallion.  The Black Stallion is about World War I, and the Arabs are actually Englishman (without me reading the books), Black Stallion are initials of a real person.

Patch on Topthorn, this is about not repairing a flat tire with a patch, you replace it with a new tire.  Not that interesting, really.

Tom Hiddleston is meant to be an Edgar Linton, Le.

The heart attack in Meet Joe Black, you realize this is not one man, this is the country of England, and me.

Did this man actually send me back to Michael, this man who was pretending to be Michael’s voice, just to talk to me, ON PURPOSE?!  ON PURPOSE, FROM THE MOVIE, 12 STRONG?!  ON PURPOSE?!  More than one man needs to explain why they did it.  Why they sent me back.  THEY SENT ME TO CALIFORNIA – ON PURPOSE!  TO GET ME AWAY FROM MICHAEL!

I REALLY WISH ALL OF YOU STOP THINKING FOR ME!  YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE!  RUINED MY LIFE!  AS OF TODAY, I AM 47 YEARS OLD, I AM CHILDLESS, WILL ALWAYS NOW BE CHILDLESS, AND HAVE HAD NO LOVE IN ALL MY LIFE!  STOP THINKING FOR ME!  YOU MAKE ME ASHAMED OF THE WORK I’VE DONE BECAUSE YOU HAVE ALL BEEN NOTHING BUT GREEDY AND SELFISH FOR MY TALENT WITH NO REGARD FOR MY HUMAN FEELINGS.

You can’t make a person fall in love with another person, it either happens or it doesn’t.  I never loved Michael, I said it, and never meant it.  We all know now I had to say I loved him.

I am surrounded by people who make me ashamed of our intelligence persons, and our military.

September 13, 2019

I am obviously Joey, my mother, is Topthorn.  Whoever has taught you this trick has just saved your life, meaning, I saved my mother’s life, more than once.  The ambulance with the horses, my mother was denied riding with her father in the ambulance before he died, and it snowed the day of his funeral, I was not there in country, in Canada at his funeral.

Obviously, they used The Black Stallion reference because was mother’s heart, with her atrial fibrillation heart condition was not going to get better.  I still have a most difficult time watching movies showing my mother’s death over and over, especially before she died.

I am obviously, also, Emilie.  This is a person’s real name and it is not code.  The gran pepe is the real Papa, and the dialogue about not being brave is about the real director of the movie.  There are other ways to be brave, like making movies about brave people, there is nothing wrong with that.

I gave keychains of Joey’s that I had purchased in a little tourist-y type shop off of Queen’s Street mall, in Brisbane, Australia, and gave them as gifts to person’s who used to be friends of mine in my theater group, and I still have my Joey.  I like him, very much.  I’ve written this before.

You would have to be STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, WELL, I CAN’T WRITE OR SAY STUPID ENOUGH, YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE STUPID IF ANY PERSON THOUGHT THAT WHEN I INTERVIEWED FOR MY JOB AT DISNEY, I WAS AGREEING TO ANYTHING OTHER THAN EMPLOYMENT!  YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE STUPID!  WHO IS THIS STUPID, MORON THAT THOUGHT THIS, “WHAT IS IT YOU THINK, WE DO HERE”, AS CODE – FOR ANYTHING?!  WHO IS THIS MORON?!  THIS CAN’T BE THE FBI MAN!  IT JUST CAN’T!  HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE SAID IT – FOR SOMEONE ELSE!  YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, IF ANYONE R-E-A-D (RED) MY REACTION AS ANYTHING OTHER THAN – WRONG!

WHO IS THIS DUMB, MORON WHO BELIEVES I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT AS CODE FOR: What: Weapons, Is: I, eye, It: I, eye, two eyes, both eyes, You think: Cherith think, We: man and woman, Do: marriage, Here: supervisor’s office.  YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE THE STUPIDIEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET!  BECAUSE THE WOMAN, AND WOMEN WHO WERE MY MANAGER’S AND THE WOMAN WHO INTERVIEWED ME WERE ALL STRAIGHT, AND YET – YOU FUCKING MORONS – HAD LESBIANS HIDING BEHIND THESE STRAIGHT WOMEN!  YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, IF YOU BELIEVED I WAS FOLLOWING ANY OF YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKERS!

STUPID!

NO FUCKING JOKE, YOU GODDAMN, STUPID FUCKS NEED TO BE PLACED IN FRONT OF A CONGRETIONAL COMMITTEE – OVER YOUR HANDLING OF ME!

YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE A FUCKING MORON TO BELIEVE THAT THE WAY TO ACCESS ME WAS EVER THROUGH A WOMAN, GAY OR STRAIGHT!  GET YOUR GODDAMN, FUCKING, SWAGGERING, FUCKING EGOS OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN ASSHOLES!  YOU STUPID FUCKS!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ALL FUCKING LOOK LIKE?!  YOU WERE ALL PRACTICALLY BEGGING THE TALIBAN TO BOMB THIS FUCKING COUNTRY!  HOW FUCKING DARE YOU – ANY OF YOU – BE SO FUCKING STUPID!

DID THIS CALIFORNIAN MAN, GET ORDERED, OR DID HE DO IT ON HIS OWN, TO SEND ME BACK TO FLORIDA?!  SOMEONE NEEDS TO ANSWER FOR THIS.

I AM A LITTLE TOO FUCKING PISSED TO SIT HERE AND PLAY, HOW COME CHERITH DOESN’T LOVE THIS CALIFORNIAN MAN, AT PRESENT.  JESUS CHRIST, YOU MAKE ME APPEAR AS THOUGH I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE UNITED STATES, WHO UNDERSTANDS THESE FUCKING PROBLEMS, AND THE MISTAKES, YOU’VE ALL MADE.

Wow, Brianna, you decided it was within your right – to punish me because I chose not to wear my mother’s wedding ring, around my neck, you still look selfish, mean-spirited, and I am not your friend.  I do not accept your sorry.  The very fact, that you punished me for it – shows your meanness.  Not mine.

I haven’t and hadn’t asked for David to call me when I worked at Disney, I didn’t respond to David when he called over and over and over because – he missed me!  Somewhere, someone took the connection I had with David, and let me know in my brain, he was never coming back to me.  I very much doubt that David and I will ever meet face to face in person, alone, without any ears.  I have loved him for who he was and NEVER asked him to change anything – for me.  All I wanted to do was love him.  I have been denied loving him, as long as I’ve known him.

Push me any further on this Brianna, rampage, and I will not be held responsible!  She is not in my military; she has no place here as far as I am concerned.  The very fact that you are pushing this, pushing Brianna upon me, speaks very poorly for ANY of your abilities.  Consider it a warning.

You fucking morons fired me because I said he can die, and any person would say the same thing to the constant nasal abuse I’VE HAD TO DEAL WITH NOW FOR HOW MANY YEARS?!  OVER FIVE!  IT DOESN’T MAKE IT TRUE!

If this Californian man is one of men responsible for sending me back to Michael, that is to say, not to safety, but into harm’s way, for he abused me for years, if he is responsible it is why I do not like him very much.  He, also, looks like he is having a hard time himself with it.  Regret.

Every one nearly all my life, with the exception of my childhood, and teen-age years, has looked at me as not being very much of a person, AND LOOK AT ALL OF THE WORK I’VE DONE, THE ENDING OF THE VIETNAM WAR, RESCUING MEN BEING HELD AS PRISONERS OF WAR, THE GREATEST DEFEAT TO AL QAEDA!  SHAME ON YOU ALL!

Reconnaissance, is hardly wasted, from the movie, War Horse, and then Major Jamie Stewart, is confronted by the German’s, did you think we would let a garrison go undefended?  This is about the use of a former friend of mine who called upon me after I quit working Disney and visited my mother and me.  They used Tammy, who is from Maine, originally, who is a Preacher’s child because they thought they could hide behind her religious beliefs, most likely, lesbian women.  Look what you’ve done.  They put the arrogance of these people in a fucking movie.  It’s truly disgusting.

And, I am really sick and tired of the English, being the ONLY FUCKING INTELLIGENCE PEOPLE TO GET ME – CORRECT!  YOU DUMB, FUCKING MORONS!

I AM CHILDLESS!  YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!  YOU HAVE ALL BELIEVED ME TO BE SIMPLE AND STUPID!   WHEN THE TRUTH IS, I SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING, BUT THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME GOD, THE ONLY REASON FOR THE WORD, BUT, IN THE MOVIE, ZERO DARK THIRTY, WHEN MAYA YELLS, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND PAKISTAN, AND YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND AL QAEDA, NOTHING BUT, THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME – GOD!

Did you want to lose the farm, Rose?  This is really about the man, I’ve cried my eyes out for already when I discovered things like, I’ve helped to bring a resolution to the end of the Vietnam War, who loved my mother, and wanted to marry her, he is in the movie, Chocolat, coco nibs to reawaken the passion, as he married another woman, and they both love each other, that is okay, it is the way he did it.  My mother died alone, and unhappy.

Is the name Major Jamie Stewart name, original to the script?  Here is what it says to me: Stewart, says, South Pole, South Pole says, Patrick Stewart, Patrick Stewart says, the movie Lady Jane, as I was very much interested and liked the movie Lady Jane when it was released.

Just as I would be very much interested in hearing the stories, and military stories of this British man who is seen as the inspiration behind the character, the Earl of Grantham.  He is not very much like the actor’s portrayal of him, and there is nothing wrong in that.  It is not a documentary; an actor should be allowed to create his own character.

The reason, this other Englishman wanted me to notice him, would be for what reason?

The reason for the wiping off of the mud on Joey’s white sock and forehead, I cannot believe this is in a movie and I am going to write about it – again.  I did, as a child in our Gresham, Oregon home, one afternoon, I had been working in the garden patch, and I created mud with the dirt, and did proceed to plop myself into the mud, and was covered all over.  My neighbor’s who had the black dog, Pinto, had just raked all their grass after they’d mowed, and I asked permission first, to fall into the raked grass, and she let me.  And, she laughed.

Every child, at least once, should do something as ridiculous as make mud pies or cover yourself in mud and then grass.  My neighbor, they had a baby I babysat, then took the hose and helped hose me off.  She found it most amusing.  Although her face revealed not much facial expression – ever.

Every child should be ridiculous at least once.  I still don’t see anything wrong with it.  Children should know what it feels like to be carefree.  Free from societal worry, and at the same time, I had the manners enough to ask permission, first.  True story.

You really do stink, from Twilight, you people are fucking stupid, if any of you thought it was a – real stink.  Stink, says, Tink, and S-hook, plant’s hang from an S-hook, we’ve had S-hooks in every home where my mother had plants, Tink says, Tinker Tailor Solider Spy, get it?  Double agents really are bad people.  That’s all.

The reason BBC’s Sherlock has his hair dyed a dark brown, the picture we’ve been using from Zero Dark Thirty, means the picture of me with short hair and red-headed is just old, out of date, they were using the picture of me with dark brown hair taken of me while at work at Disney by a straight white male supervisor is the reason Sherlock, seen as me with dark hair was – acceptable.

The two brother who get shot while escaping the German army, a promise, in the movie, War Horse, are just another possible marriage match to me, that I’ve already written about many times, being the military son who was killed when a gay waiter sat people in his section, and not me.

The shot to Sherlock’s right arm with a needle is just the Polio vaccine, it always left a visible scar on people’s arm, and my father has this scar.  Polio is something that effected people’s legs, and gait.

In order for Bella to get better she had to change, reads:  Cherith had to, changed, code: CH, Cherith, AN, my father’s initials and he was teaching this class to people, GED, Cherith had to get her GED to go to college, really not that interesting.

Bella beating Jacob in Twilight is me punching my father’s arm, as though someone was trying to get me to believe I could fight and defend myself; however, in a domestic violence relationship, it is not what happens in the brain and mind, fighting back, begets more violent beatings.

Wolves are not really wolves in Twilight, dogs the size of horses, meaning penitent men, women being allowed to be wolves, is not in my mind set, that is the author’s choice.  Be careful you make the distinction.

Since, I no longer work there, I no longer feel the need to write about the people who were placed in front of me at my former workplace.  What appeared to be a reformed prisoner or criminal, who looked like she was honored to have been seen by me from some of the work, I’ve done, you’ve all allowed to be ruined.  Awesome.  You morons.

He’s dead, so doesn’t that make him less interesting to you, from Zero Dark Thirty, you don’t believe in my lead either, this is David, David is in a relationship, so Cherith wouldn’t like him anymore.  I couldn’t, could I?

The French musician that Emma is seeing in the movie, One Day, is a man I liked in college when David looked like he had no more interest in me, set on moving away from me, forever.  He was a writer, silent, tall and lean, and intellectual looking, that is why I liked him.

Charlie, in Twilight looks like this other FBI man, looking at me as a father figure, wanting to be a good man, probably it happened after he appeared as a guest speaker to me in my college class.  Wanting to be good, like me.  Liking Michael more, discovering he and I had not yet had sex before I went to California, the very reason they (they) wanted me away from him.  Old School, from Twilight, says, operating system, meaning, Star Wars.  Michael was or is not a Christian.

The vampire that stay in the attic in Twilight, OMG, this is so boring, just says in our Plant City home, this is where the Air Conditioner Handler unit was housed, above my bedroom.

The Volturie, the Italian scum, from Twilight, really just says, the movie, The Italian Job, The Italian Job says, foundation, in the movie, the dive to the foundation of the building, and this, boring, just says, California, and earthquake, and terrorism.

I am all the female characters of the Cullen household, Bella, her child.  I am also seen in some of the wolves, and other characters.

This could go on forever.  All this writing, and who is really interested.

I’m having a difficult time believing people, anymore.  Truth be told.

September 12, 2019 READ: WARNING: WAR!

September 12, 2019

Do me a favor and STOP THINKING FOR ME!

YOU HAVE ALL RUINED MY LIFE!  EVERY ONE OF YOU BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO I AM AND WHAT I WANT AND WHAT I LIKE! 

YOU HAVE ALL RUINED MY LIFE!

THE WAR WILL NEVER END!  NOT MY DEATH WILL STOP THIS WAR!

STOP THINKING FOR ME!

DAVID, PLEASE, PLEASE, LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF!  I WON’T LOVE YOU LESS, BUT I CANNOT BE THE ONLY PERSON WHO TRULY LOVES YOU!  LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF!  FOR WHO YOU ARE!

NO, YOU WOMEN REALLY CAN’T HELP, OR I WOULD BE ABLE TO STILL CONCEIVE AND HAVE CHILDREN!  I WOULD BE MARRIED!  HAPPY AND IN LOVE WITH MY HUSBAND!

STOP THINKING FOR ME!  YOU’VE ALL TAKEN AWAY EVERY HAPPINESS I HAVE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE, ALL MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY, AND EVERY MAN I’VE EVER REALLY LOVED!

I REJECT EVERY ONE OF YOUR MALE AND FEMALE TEAMS FROM WHATEVER COUNTRY, AND I REJECT YOU WOMEN!

STOP THINKING FOR ME YOU GREEDY SONS-OF-BITCHES!

September 11, 2019: READ: WARNING: I’m In Hospital

September 11, 2019

So, who’s the moron that decided I needed to get sick?  Too unwell to drink coffee in the morning is not a good sign or thing regarding me.  Overheated, dehydrated, and my esophagus is irritated.  Why did anyone allow this to happen to me?

David, I didn’t write about it earlier because I hadn’t finished thinking through it all.  They’ve used my parents, my mother and father, and sometimes my brother, usually it is either one of my parents – if no one has figured it out yet – they’ve used my parents as a gauge, as a truth factor, a way how to determine a threat level.  Because obviously, I love my parents, I want and wanted them to be happy all their lives.  That’s why I wanted them to divorce, so they could each be happy and in love again.

When we moved to Florida, my mother and I were in our car, with me in the backseat to take care of the cats, and my father followed us behind in the moving van.  I got in a panic, must have been somewhere around Texas, we needed to stop for me to use the restroom, I was panicked though, my mother said not to worry because my father would also have to use the restroom soon, I was panicky upset until we stopped at a gas station, I got out of the car, going to use the restroom when my father appeared walking toward me, and I realized everything was fine.

This is just them brain-speaking to me while we were driving about the movie, War Games, and I’ve already written how I Morse code blinked told them, it was a false alarm.  It was their panic, not mine that is what they were telling me, brain-speaking.  I was not panicked about the event when I was only in kindergarten.

This profile news story about daughter hires hitman looks correct, meaning it looks like it really happened.  So, what have you done and allowed to happen now?  Is this about my mother?

Appledore from Sherlock, says, Adam and Eve, Adam and Eve, says, the garden of Adam and Eve, the garden of Adam and Eve says, my yard, the plants in my yard, meaning our yard was being noticed and being used also as purchases.  Like I have been writing about for some time now, does anyone really think they made a Sherlock movie in Victorian times just because that is when the real author was alive?

There’s lots of details in Sherlock, all about me unfortunately, if I detailed everything, well, for one thing, I’d have to be well, wouldn’t I?  Yes, obviously Benedict Cumberbatch is acceptable to be seen as me, meaning showing the work I’ve done, that’s all that means about intermediary.

The gunshot from Mary (marry) Watson to Sherlock, just says Daylight Savings Time, nothing more.  The gunshot from Sherlock to Magnussen, Sherlock what have you done?  This is all just about California again, after the Mexican restaurant, and there is a plant called Mexican Heather, we’ve had it in our yard, often, it takes a lot of work to keep Mexican Heather looking nice in a yard, it gets scraggly-looking, and bees do love Mexican Heather.

My brother says six months, my brother is never wrong, I am also seen as Mycroft, this is not about my real brother, and six months says, six, six says back, and the fact that Sherlock gets on the plane, doesn’t leave the tarmac yet before he’s called back to continue working, just means that’s how fast they realized it was a mistake to have me leave California.

Do your research, I’m a high functioning Sociopath.  This is what I’ve written before about being a warning to not use real sociopaths to consult with law enforcement.  Also, it just makes Sherlock interesting to watch as the audience.  More importantly, do your research, I’m a high functioning Sociopath, is another opposite.  Meaning, obviously Cherith is a friendly person, likes people, likes all kinds of people, and it is not the same claiming Cherith as a friend, and her approving of them, to be connected as anything more than a friend.  So, do your research intelligence persons.  Know the difference.

I guess I don’t feel well enough to continue writing at the moment.

September 10, 2019: READ: Not Elaborate Enough: Knee

September 10, 2019

The game was too elaborate, from Sherlock, means the Americans were playing me, working me, too simply, not elaborate enough.  Still believing I was some average, simple, homely little girl, not capable enough to de-code, or plan military strategies.  Not elaborate enough: knee.

The model in Germany without a coat when the weather had everyone else wearing a coat, is to be found in the book, novel, Wuthering Heights.  Is everyone able to follow this?  Do you see the connections, yet?  The coat that Catherine’s father brings home Heathcliff, says, Santa Claus.  Anyone?  How this can possibly make sense?  It says, Santa Claus.

The reason Catherine loves Heathcliff so much is because Emily Bronte wanted brothers.  She loved men.  It will take me nearly forever to classically read, Wuthering Heights; however, it is not really my favorite book.  So, if you love Wuthering Heights, and Emily Bronte, stop reading, I don’t want to hurt your feelings.  Perhaps, people have been critical of this book before, I’ve not seen or read much other than its praise.

To me, the fact that so many characters die, and die quickly after their introduction to the reader, the audience, means the author was rather pre-occupied with death, unnaturally pre-occupied with death.  Also, it shows a lack of ability to develop characters as real people.  The only way to remove a problem is to kill them?

Also, the notion of Heathcliff being a gypsy, wanting to have fair hair and complexion speaks of the authors own dislike for her looks.  Nothing really wrong with that other than people should accept themselves for who they are and not someone else.

As the reader, as the audience, we dispel the notion that Catherine and Heathcliff are actually misbehaving when they go off together.  Running around in the moors, spending all day, all night, never leaving each other’s company, we as the readers, believe there is nothing wrong with this behavior.  The other notion that they are running like savages, don’t pay any attention to the word dirty and dirt, think about the author’s words about running around like savages.  Do you know what the author was really trying to talk about and why the book is still so relevant – contemporarily?  It is really simple, it has to do with – no joke, pants.  Anyone?

The author, she as a woman, as a young girl, as a young woman, wanted the freedom of being able to wear pants, and be free, not of the notions of femininity, but of, movement.

Couple that notion, that is ahead of its time, women wearing pants, with an attraction to a man, so strong, resilient, forgivable of faults, powerful of mind, body, spirit, heart, head, and the power of persuasion of speech in a woman over a man, a man she loves, will love, to the end of time, is the greatest appeal of Wuthering Heights, and why it is still so readable, today.

When my mother and I vacationed for my twenty-fifth birthday in Quebec, Canada, my mother and I stopped at a little truck stop that had a restaurant for lunch, potato soup and bread.  Real potato soup, the kind that takes days to make, my mother liked the meal, it was fine to me, I was there to take the book of matches.  She asked me when we were at the St. Lawrence River, if I wanted to stay at Le Chateau Frontenac, YES!  YES, was my answer, I want that!  Again.

If you get the connection, remember in history that the French Canadians and the Indians (Native American Indians) helped militarily in creating the United States of America that we have today.

After arriving at Le Chateau Frontenac, one restaurant we ate at, close to the (now) hotel is when I stopped eating meat.  Not something anyone probably figured I would do, (Hearing Damaged, the song) when I read the word, Hare soup.  It created an immediate picture in my head, and I was so upset, concerned, and not something I would do, eat – children, Hareton, from Wuthering Heights.  Also, the Hare soup had another attachment to it, a death threat, from the movie, Fatal Attraction.

Artist’s Row is, or was, across the street from Le Chateau Frontenac, I chose my artwork rather quickly, my artwork, something I started collecting while on vacations instead of silly fad-y, trinkets like t-shirts, is not a gate, it is a bridge, it looks or resembles, a tower, or the tower of London, or the London bridge, in Victorian times.  The man in the stall started telling me, after I selected my purchase, how the artwork was made, I politely listened, copper engraving, water colored.  Mostly, that is irrelevant.

In the movie, Chocolat, Vianne (her name is code for a fashion designer) buys two necklaces from Roux because they set a scene of me, meaning they wanted me to make a scene, defending my mother, after her purchase for artwork was denied, or trying to buy the artwork myself, something of the sort.  I am a greater diplomat than anyone has given me credit for, and sometimes, that includes, walking away.

Tell me the story of grand mere and grand pere, how this got to be in a movie, I have no idea, this is the story of my mother and me, visiting her parents at their Lethbridge home, my grandparents.  My mother and I were staying in their basement, in a room, not quite a guest room, more like a storage room with a bed in it.  It had very little room to walk around the bed, and the bed, sagged in the middle, so much so it was difficult to not roll to the middle.  It was beyond laughable.  I mean, the things we don’t do for our parents.

Unhitch me, Mickey.  This is a memory I have of my maternal grandmother, after she made us a fried chicken dinner, she loved to make fried chicken (true story), standing in the open doorway of their bedroom, with her back to the hallway, she asked her husband to undo her brassiere.  He proceeded to unzip the back of her dress and undo her bra.  There is nothing wrong with that memory.  It shows and ease and comfort between husband and wife, after years and decades of marriage, she still cooked his meals, and he helped her undress.

My mother and I were in the basement, in our room, and it must have only been eight or nine o’clock in the evening, a time when I normally would have been watching television and not retiring to bed.  I must have only been about thirteen, or so at the time, so I was a little restless, so early in the evening to be retiring to a cramped, storage guest bedroom, to read a book, with my mother, sharing a bed, that sagged, and the limited light of the room.

My mother made mention of us not being too loud, and here is the story of grand mere and grand pere, just like with David and my jaw doesn’t come un-hinged, blow job joke, I, without really thinking, 1, 2 , 3, 4, steps of deduction in my head, said with natural ease and unaffectedness, yeah, you don’t want to let them think we’re having fun.  My mother, just like David, burst into such a laughter, it was like the floodgates, of years and decades, of familial tension between parents and child; disappointments, hurt, anger, love, resentment, pain, upset, growing up to the realization that as a pre-teen, one’s own parents were not that good of parents, were revealed, and immediately, washed away, with laughter.

I realized it too, in that moment, in watching my mother, delivered in laughter, from pain and hurt.  If a person, does not have that maturity of thought, since I was only thirteen at the time, if as an adult, a person does not understand the truthfulness in laughter, if a person is not able to understand and see a person is who they truly are – in that laughter, that is a once in a lifetime kind of laughter, that laugh that becomes a moment, a memory you hold with you until your dying day, then you know nothing about people, brains, and the truth.

My mother, I am not quite sure if this number is correct, my mother became a Christian, accepted Christ as her Savior when she was 12.  She did not grow up going to church.  She did, then lead her parents, to the Lord, and they became Christians because of my mother.  My grandmother, after becoming a Christian, stopped wearing make-up of any kind, and not only threw away, but broke all of the music, LP’s they had in their house.  I still can’t believe she threw away all that valuable music.  Sometimes, people do that.  Sometimes, people go to an extreme, or a perceived extreme, when they become Christians.  Trying to make a distinction, separate themselves from who they used to be, I just don’t happen to believe, it is the only way.

My grandmother gave me a compact of pressed powder, must have been from the fifties, I kept it for years and years.  I thought it was so neat, and something to keep and cherish.  No one stole it.

Someone tried to write a happy ending to the David and Cherith love affair, with the movie, One Day.  I would be Emma (Emergency, Ma) and David is Dexter (a brand of shoes).  The scene with Dexter and his mother on the balcony with the Wisteria, is from my backyard.  I tried to grow, Wisteria in our backyard, it never really grew very well, it doesn’t get cold enough in Florida for Wisteria.  The reason Dexter shows up, sweating.  Also, I bought note cards as a gift for my mother at MOMA in NYC, August 2001, of Tiffany stained-glass windows, one of the designs had Wisteria in stained glass.

The fact that Dexter’s mother tells Dexter, he’s just not very nice, yet, means someone, or several people, believed David was not considerate enough about me, and what was really happening to me and my mother, and truthfully not very nice to me.  Although, in all truthfulness, it was most obvious, I lit up around him, like no man has ever done, but then, so very few have been able to try, haven’t they?  I did light up, like there was no other man in the world, but him.

So, what is the real reason David never dated me, or was allowed to date me?  Because the reason Emma dies in the movie, One Day, is to show how devastated I was by the loss of David, my love for David, and no longer being allowed – to love, a man, at all.

I didn’t believe you deserved her.  This looks like real thought from people, that David didn’t deserve to be with me, I made him decent, looks truthful because I would have made him a better man, I made him decent and in turn, he made me happy, it was all over me.

Sorry about dinner, SAD.

David will never be happy, nor I, with hands only, I will never really be happy until I get to be a real person again, without the make-believe, scripting, cameras, and at least date real men, for real.  Without anyone talking for them.  What stupid people you have all been.

The reason I got so angry and mad when watching New Moon?  So angry I had to start reading the books to figure out what was so important?  So important about the movie, the movies.  So mad and angry I had to start reading?  A man must have been in the theater with me when I saw New Moon, and at the end of the movie, with the dialogue about a wedding, this is, another, match, marriage prospect that was to be introduced to me, to get me away from Michael, before I was 21 years of age, when I worked at Tex-Mex, when a waiter sat people in his own section and got military people killed, one of them being the son of a military man who they thought would have been a good match for me, and he was, got him killed by not allowing me to seat people, the waiter happened to be gay, sorry to hear you’ve been hurt, from Sherlock, I am telling you people and writing it over and over again so you people will be safe, it is the reason to NOT be included in my work, for your safety, so angry that another marriage prospect was not only denied me, but died.

Meet Joe Black, failed to meet me.  We’ve talked though, haven’t we?  After the Mexican restaurant in California, I was being driven around by a man and woman who are or were married, they were in their military uniforms, Coast Guard, Cherith Gjestland.  Were they actually recruited because of me?  For me?  Because my mother was friends with their parents?  They told me I should call Michael, and I thought, oh goodie, I get to talk to him.  Except it wasn’t really Michael, it was the man from the Mexican restaurant using Michael’s voice.  At a pay phone, outside, at a sort of strip mall, and I kept looking to the direction of the threat to this man, that was not yet known at the time, and not to the man watching me, looking me over, thinking I was sort of average looking, and I was.

So, when I had the conversation in the kitchen, that sent me back to Florida, with the words, selling drugs, I went to protect this man I was talking on the phone with because he was a good man.  As I saw him then.  And you idiots, let me get away.

Suddenly all about Edward, the hair as I call him, from Twilight, means people noticed, Cherith likes men with hair, no baldies.  Not like my brother, like my father.  My father still has his hair.

I can’t believe I am writing all of this, I am getting tired of writing, but I could go on and on, the scene in Sherlock of Magnussen and Lady Smallwood is meant to be seen by lesbians, that their approach, their contact, their hitting on me, any attempt to flirt with me, would be disgusting to me, as read and seen as disgusting to me.  And seen as stupid on their part.

Lady Smallwood is code: Lady, My Fair Lady, my mother, Small being the size I was supposed to be, how many diets did I go on?  And my purchases were followed.  So, the reason I was not losing weight was not because I wasn’t trying.  Wood, meaning, OBVIOUSLY, Cherith is straight.

The reason Clarice Starling is dead in the FBI training academy in the movie, Silence of The Lambs, it’s a seven o’clock, Cherith.  It was for me to notice my grandmother didn’t really die from a stroke.

The reason they used at Dachau, with the sound, imagine this, the sound of every single Jew killed in the showers, at the concentration camps, every one, having me imagine the sound of every Jew’s screams at the concentration camps was so that I would not be able to remember all the intelligence people who were there with me, and what plans they had with them.  It is a bit of an overkill, no?  I still see these people, not all of them in detail, yet I do not see all of their plans and work they were doing.  Hearing Damaged.

It should be taken notice that when I forgive these men, it is for a reason.  Forgiven men, like David, my Boyfriend, this other FBI man.  Somethings in the past just cannot be undone, so it serves no purpose to hold on to anger, and sometimes it’s important because they still must be important, somehow.

Enough sadness and loss for today.

A truth for me, the real truth about me, is that I see people, I see people as I believe they really are when they are revealed – in that laughter, that laugh, that lasts a lifetime of other memories, or hurt.

September 9, 2019: READ: WARNING: TOO HEAVY!

September 9, 2019

What the fuck?!  What the fuck did this traitorous woman do?  What did “Anika” do?  You had her drive past me, and she looks guilty as hell.  What the hell have you people done?!

You like the Skinnies, from Black Hawk Down, yeah, there is a REAL BIG FUCKING DIFFERENCE  BETWEEN BEING FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH, OR BEING FRIENDLY WITH ANY PERSON, AND ACTUALLY FUCKING APPROVING OF THEM TO BE ABLE TO DO ANY WORK, OR APPROVING OF THEM TO BE A PART OF ANY TEAM!

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU FUCKING DUMB MORONS DONE?!  OTHER THAN ALLOWING YOURSELVES PERMISSON TO DO IT THE EASY WAY, AND NOT ACTUALLY BELIEVING IN ME AS THE REAL FUCKING DEAL THAT I AM!  WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE?!

SHE LOOKS GUILTY OF SPYING AGAINST HER OWN COUNTRY, THE UNITED STATES!

AND IT LOOKS LIKE ANY PERSON, SPECIFICALLY HIGH PROFILE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE NEWS, OR ON TELEVISION, OR CELEBRITIES, ANY PERSON CARRYING EXTRA WEIGHT, ESPECIALLY DESPITE THEIR BEST EFFORTS, LIKE FASTING, OR DIETING, SOMETHING I’VE DONE ALL MY LIFE, IS BEING TARGETED BY A CODE WITH TERRORISTS TO PROTECT THEM, THE TERRORISTS!

SEEING THIS WOMAN, WHO YOU THEN ALLOWED TO HAVE ME FIRED, FOR THE FEW SECONDS I DID HAS ME OUT-OF-MY-MIND ANGRY!

WHAT THE FUCK HAS SHE DONE?!