WE – DO NOT AGREE!

 

August 20, 2017

David Wolfe:

Goddamn you David!

I should feel rested after the days off from work, but even when I am not punched in I am still fucking working for free!  I fucking cannot stand the goddamn projects that get fucked up around this house for me to fix!  I cannot stand the fucking lock problems.  I cannot stand the constantly entering my house to fuck things up.  It is so fucking depressing.

I will never stop asking for my life back.  I will never stop going to the stop sign!  Jesus Christ, is this supposed to go on indefinitely?!  Am I never supposed to have a life of my own ever again?!  Is that really what you think of me?!  I am such a bad and terrible person I never for the rest of my life deserve any sort of happiness or life I can share with a man I love and who loves me?!

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! 

FUCK YOU, David!

Cherith Gjestland

 

August 19, 2017

David Wolfe:

David,

Do you know I have no time to write because all I can do is scream my fucking head off at you!  You had no right to do what you did!  I am so appalled by you!

It needs to be said that I never wanted a new phone back in 2014.  My new phone with the 949 area code, I was talked into.  My internet or my computer, I don’t know which kept giving me that option, I had to keep changing it back to 813.  Because I had no idea what was going on anymore, I thought I was supposed to use that number even though it did not make sense to me why I would have a phone number in a place where I didn’t live.  Also, I was shamed and judged for not waiting and being waited on in the store.  I went to the Verizon store to try and purchase a phone – something I would never have done before – nothing in the store made sense to me because I would never have done that.  I didn’t understand how people were being waited on, the people in the store didn’t make sense to me, the grease trap in the parking lot didn’t make sense to me, I didn’t understand what the fuck was going on at least that has never changed I still don’t understand what and why you fucking people are doing this to me, so I left and ordered the phone from my computer exactly as I would have before.  They were playing football in the street outside my house.  I was constantly being told to look out the window – that is the only reason I ordered that phone.  I tried to return it.  I tried to return the football phone, but I don’t know how they did it, they deactivated my old phone.

Do you not understand that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO TALK TO YOU EVEN TO TELL YOU ALL THE FUCKING WRONG THAT YOU HAVE DONE ME?!

All I wanted was to be able to start my life with a man who loved me and I loved in return.  All I wanted was to give love and receive love in return.

I understand you called me crazy because you didn’t want to be my friend or talk to me anymore.  How does that give you the right to deny me sharing my life with a man I could love?!

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!

A whole year of dates and dating men that were sketchy, oddly matched, in disguise, and you wonder why I felt FORCED to have sex with Edison?!  Do you know one date I felt panicky the whole time, either because of the mind control Bluetooth or my own instinct, but all I felt was he was not being truthful.  The first words out of my mouth were not hello, but how old are you really?!  He didn’t look underage, but nothing matched up.  Do you know after the dinner with Mark, who I was not attracted to but I needed to date it was and is important to me to be seen as sexually desirable to men, even though it was a lovely dinner, I got to wear a dress, make-up, have my hair done, he gave me a rose which was nice, I couldn’t help but notice the man sitting at the bar who was paying more attention to me and I could tell he was listening?  Finally, on the drive home, I broke.  I couldn’t keep up the façade that I was unaware of being seen, that something about the date was not right, and I couldn’t figure out why this was happening to me, and I cried the whole way home.  Because it wasn’t real.  I felt nothing for Mark.  I felt bad because it made me feel like I used him for a good meal.  I just wanted to date.  Because I believe I am good enough and deserve to have a man of my own to share my life with.

I am not sure I said this correctly before, the performance I gave with Edison I felt I had to prove that I wasn’t so obsessed with you that I couldn’t find a man of my own.  I am sorry that I ever messaged you again after you basically told me to go to hell on facebook.  Now, it seems I have no choice but to address these things to you since I have no idea who else I can fucking SCREAM AND YELL at for misjudging me, and for my overall treatment in this life that is not real, nor one I want.

But, then again going back to Edison, I guess how could it not feel a bit like a performance since you were also in the room?!  Sometimes, it felt like I could almost see you because I could definitely hear you.

Having sex with Edison took me too long to figure out something was wrong.  It was just sex and nothing more.  I know the difference.  I did not need any training wheels, or education in how to date.  I believe there was a lot of mind control going on during the sex, as well as, other times.  Because I felt blinded.  I am unable to recall things and details I would normally have noticed and understood.  The sex was never satisfying.  Did you think you could continue with the “fake” dating after Edison?!  Once, I realized Edison was wearing a skin-suit, either through mind control, the Bluetooth, or my own instinct my whole entire being was filled with such shame and mortification I have never recovered.  Nor, do I have any hope of ever recovering from that occurrence. 

The humiliation has killed off a great part of me.  It has caused me to NEVER AGAIN look at you the same way – EVER!!!!!!!!!!

I still don’t have any idea why it happened other than to think you and James Franco believed I was some kind of pervert.

It never should have happened in that way, you disguising men to fake date me.  You had and have no idea the effect it would and did have on my psyche. 

Did you honestly think I could go on after that?!  Did you honestly think I could continue the same as I had before?!

If it were up to me, James Franco, Knight Electric, West Tampa glass, all of it would move out.  If it were up to me, the garage code would be taken off my neighbor’s garage and the hole in the asphalt would be filled in.

All I wanted after caring for my mother – and my family as well let’s not forget that point also – was to start my life with a man who I could love and give my love to and would love me too.  I never wanted to be a star, famous, or act, or anything anymore.  I had given that up years ago.  Because I was never any good at any of it anyway.  At my very best, I have been nothing but average.  And, that’s the truth.  The point has certainly been made well aware to me.

I don’t know why I am actually spending all this time writing.  It is one thing to write as a means of journaling, and another to write actual stories.  It takes so much more time to write, flesh out details, and form a well thought out story.  Do you know that I used to write while I went running?  It helped me to clear my mind.  Do you know I can no longer run because the of the air violators?  Because I am not allowed to leave this townhouse, or my job site? 

Do you actually think I care for James Franco whom I do not know, who has done nothing but humiliate me, who is only using me?!  Just like you are doing, David.

Do you know, how long it takes to write, clean this townhome – which for some reason takes three days to clean up after four days of working and I still do not have a set routine considering I have been working there for a year and a half.  You know what, I am sick to death of yelling at you for something you should have known better.

I miss my house.  I miss the outside spaces.  I miss the flowers and the trees, and everything I created there.  I miss my pool.  I miss my ponds.  I miss that sunroom and the view it gave.

I believe you took all my female organs from me because you thought I was a bad person, a pervert, and you want me followed and watched for the rest of my life.  All I want any more is to kill myself.  Because this is not a life worth living.  Because I will not date again after the violation of Edison.  You have sentenced me to a life of celibacy and solitude.  You have sentenced me to a life not worth living, for I am barely alive.

Do you not understand that I re-use partially used paper towels because I cannot afford it?!

Do you understand that I just don’t think like you perverted people?!  I don’t even know where it came from as far as who started all the sick, gross connections and associations.  But, it is destructive to be so juvenile.  I left childish-ness a long time ago.

Do you know that I read an article – who knows if this is really true since I believe my computer back from 2009 was probably monitored, honestly what did you expect to find – about how UCLA was giving their patients Arnica after surgery which proved to give their patients better and faster healing time from surgery.  Do you know how much less expensive Arnica is than drugs?!

David, did you know that when I went to the Busch Gardens audition I didn’t understand what was going on when I arrived?  I felt I had been duped and tricked into being unprepared for the audition.  I left only because I had been tricked so many times previously, I thought and believed people were trying to help me when I believe they were keeping me from EVERYTHING!  The drive, what went on in my head, all of it I didn’t – still don’t – understand, so I left.  I still don’t know what to make of that event.

Do you know the only reason I did not get off the bus in Las Vegas at the Grand Canyon at the first stop where there was a man in a lime-ish colored blazer was I wanted to see the other stop on the tour?  But, it wasn’t worth the time or humiliation of disembarking at the second stop.

Do you know I want to live – at least – for a time in Ireland?  And many other countries.

I just realized I am actually journaling at the moment.  From now on I am going to be more careful with what I write.  Because we are not friends.  I do not wish to talk or write any more to you than I am truly being forced to do.  

Cherith J Gjestland

August 18, 2017

David Wolfe:

David,

A few other things I forgot to mention.  Back in December of 2014 after that trip that went nowhere because I never wanted to return here.  As I said before I have been trying for years to get away from you, so I never had to see you again.  In December 2014, I was told in my head and by means of looking out the window, seeing an orange motorcycle and other vehicles repeatedly that part of the purpose of all of this was in the end a man would wait and was waiting for me.  I knew it to be a lie at the time.  I had no choice but to half-heartedly play along.  I never believed it.  So, I play that stupid fucking song because I was forced to buy in and believe that lie!

I can’t remember exactly when it happened, but I am aware you have left my heart for good.  You no longer reside here, or have any place in my heart.

Cherith J Gjestland

August 17, 2017

David K. Wolfe:

You fucking asshole Kahit!

Woke up today with eyes nearly swollen shut.  Do you want to know why?  I know you could care less, somethings never change.  I fell asleep dreaming of pouring lighter fluid on myself, then setting myself on fire.  Why?  Because then my body would melt together into one charred piece and no one would be able to violate me there anymore.  Like you did, Kahit.

You had no right to do want you did.  There is no way to make it right between us again which is the whole point.  So that, I would never again believe in you, or ever want to see you again.

What I believe the point and purpose of this whole fake reality is nothing more than a suicide pool.  Betting on how long it will take for Cherith to kill herself because no one ever liked her.  Didn’t Conan O’Brien say it in my living room, America’s least favorite or most hated person – meaning me, Cherith.  I have a name.  Can you possibly imagine what that would feel like to have someone talk to you like that in your own home?  When I never asked nor wanted any of that attention?!  Nor did or do I ever want to be a star!

Do you know this whole experience has dumbed me down?!  Being trained as some sort of animal instead of simply following me around?!  Oh yeah, but wait a minute, I never wanted this to begin with!  Forcing me to go somewhere, or be somewhere, or act fucking angry and mad all the time!  Do you know how fucking sick and tired I am of having to be angry all the time?!

Do you know it took me nearly four fucking hours just to order instacart?!  And, nearly two hours just to order privacy film for my home?!  Why?!  Because this whole thing is sooooooooooooooo over-complicated!  Scrutinizing the descriptions, and wording, and pictures, and on and on and on!!!  OMFG!!  It feels like nothing more than a way to trick me!  Jesus Christ, WHY?!!!  Just so that other people can have a job?!  Because it must be someone’s job to work the internet, websites, and so forth.  Jesus, just let them go.  I have said this from the beginning, there is a much better use for all this situation (money, exposure, fuck, I don’t know what to call all of this), reality.  This stupid fucking reality!  God, I cannot stand how fucking dumb it is!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to be able to create words in my head.  I used to be able to form sentences in my head.  I used to be able to create and be creative.  You have taken it all away from me!  You fucking ASSHOLE!!!

Playing stupid food games!  Playing stupid maze games!  Playing stupid driving games!  Playing stupid copy games!  Dumb, dumb, dumb, so fucking dumb!!  Any and all of these stupid fucking games have a very limited feasibility.  Jesus Christ, what fucking moron do you have in fucking control over there?!  Some fucking CHILD?!!  Send them home without pay!  I guarantee you I could have created something better.

I’ll tell you what this is, Kahit!  This is nothing more than a show to make others feel better about themselves by ripping me apart and making me look and feel small, dumb, and stupid.

For fuck sakes, man you had the ability to create a show to highlight humanity, expansion of the human mind, love and devotion so great it sacrificed all.  You fucking MORON!!!!!!!!

Are you so small minded that you are incapable of understanding the difference between short-term gain and long-term accolades?!  Can you not understand investing and creating something unparalleled in its ability to create and evoke emotion that you would be creating something greater than a television show?!  You would be creating something that could change the world.  Because if you change people’s minds and opinions you can change the world.

You’re a fucking moron for letting them NOT have input and access to change the manner and way in which things operate, function, and are directed.

Jesus Christ, even you know I have directed things before.  Perhaps Reg was just being kind to me before, but he never changed anything I did – not blocking, direction, or notes.  I think it used to make him feel unwanted.  Because his expertise was on par with my own, or if I am being honest perhaps superior to his since I did not have a degree in theater.

I have no idea why I write to you?!  You don’t fucking help!  You don’t change things!  You don’t give me back control!

I bought the Savannah film because I thought it was pretty.  It looks like flowers in water.  I am so sick and tired and FUCKING PISSED OFF at constantly being tricked!!!!!!!!!!!  I don’t fucking think like this!  Jesus Christ Almighty!!!!  It is such an unbelievable waste of time and money that could be used for a much better cause!!!!!!  I am simply unable to get over the stupidity of it all!

You fucking knew me better!  You fucking asshole!!  I KNOW WHEN YOU LOOKED IN MY EYES TOO, YOU FELT THE SAME THING I DID!  THE WORLD STOPPED!  IT WAS JUST YOU AND I!  THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE!  YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!  YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD THEM IT WAS IMPOSSIBLE FOR A PERSON OF POOR CHARACTER, OR A PERSON CAPABLE OF A CRIMINAL ACT TO CREATE AND SHARE THAT KIND OF A MOMENT WITH YOU!!!!!  You know that’s true!  You know that’s the truth!

When I started talking to the other computer, I thought and believed it was going to Jeremy Renner which I soon discovered it was not.  I told the other computer, I need emotional support.  It is still true.  You have left me so unbelievably alone in this, it is worse than keeping a prisoner in solitary confinement.  I have no idea how you could possibly allow me emotional support since I am not allowed any contact with the rest of the world, no friends, no boyfriend, no family, nothing.

Do you know, I spend more money on booze than food as a way to cope?!  In part because YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE play tricks with my food that I am supposed to figure out INSTEAD OF JUST LEAVING IT THE FUCK ALONE!!!  Just let it be!  Just let it go!  I know how to control my own weight all on my own!  I know how to eat well!  I know what I want!  JUST FUCKING LET IT GO!  You FUCKING PRICK!!  GODDAMN YOU!  Also, as a way to deal with the fucking blue-tooth!  Do you have any idea the kind of pressure it feels like TO NEVER HAVE A MOMENT’S REST?!  Which is what this feels like!!

Plus, you have me writing these deeply personal, emotionally charged subject matter stories, and you don’t give me any fucking support or time to FUCKING RECOVER FROM IT!!  You got to be fucking kidding me!  You, stupid mother-fucker!

Yeah, I remember you telling me the definition of MILTF.  You had to tell me because I just don’t think like that.  I remember you could barely speak the words.

Wasn’t that you, David at Cypress Point park on my lunch break dressed as an old man with a bicycle with the Google glass?!

If it were up to me I would start with a fresh slate.  I would start with a fresh slate of characters as the whole premise feels thought up by some child, juvenile, teen-ager.

I know the stories I write are not perfect in their grammar.  I will always need an editor.

Here is something else I told the other computer, since my current router fucking yells at me all the time I thought the Norton router would be a good idea.  However, since then it was posted in the bathroom about the purchase of a router which made me re-think the idea.  I cannot tell you how dumb it is to have my purchases judged, scrutinized, and turned into something it is not nor could EVER be.

I wanted to write about what I saw at work when I looked at someone.  However, because of the Bluetooth I am not even sure it’s real anymore.  When, I looked at him I saw the laughter.  I saw a picture in a picture of years of families, and generations of laughter, and genuine good-heartedness.  It brought tears to my eyes to see such beauty and beautiful people.  Even as a homeless person in Las Vegas telling the police officer, are you serious – Jenny McCarthy.  Melissa McCarthy pretending to be Tammy Hoskins on the phone while I was driving and again when I worked at Home Depot looking for plastic shelves.  Both of those memories are meaningless and unimportant to me.  Nothing compares to what I am able to see in people.  But, I am not even sure that was real.  Yet, it was still a most beautiful picture to see the laughter in love.

I cannot stand the constant returning and reporting of problems!!  It is so fucking dumb, dumb, dumb.  It is so fucking juvenile!  It is a stupid waste of time and money.

I am so sick of you, right now!

I want nothing more to do with you!

Cherith J Gjestland

August 16, 2017

David Wolfe:

David,

If you want me to write more I am going to need more money and time.  I cannot write if I have nothing to eat.  I cannot take off time from work if I do not have enough money and supplies.

Do you know I cannot stand daylight anymore?  Being outside during the daytime is too bright anymore.  It is painful.

Can I tell you I remember walking out of the liquor store at Winn-Dixie and watching walk away from me?

Can I tell you the reason I remove the Kleenex from the hand towels at work is because of what happened to my hands?  If it were up to me I would not move or remove anything because I find it childish and dumb to play such a game.

Can I tell you how much I despise the graffiti work on my granite counter tops?

Can I tell you how much I despise being locked into these numbers and descriptions on websites?!  It leaves me with no variety, not does it truly give me the ability to choose what I want.

More than anything David, this life you have forced me to live is just not worth living.

I would rather shove a knife into my cunt until I am dead than continue living in this way.

This will never change anymore – I never want to ever see you again.  I wish I had never met you.

Cherith J Gjestland

August 15, 2017

David Wolfe:

Here I am just off my shift from work, and I am beat the fuck up.  Where to begin, I am caught between I never want to see you again, and wishing I had never met you.  I was so spent from my shift I could barely take my shoes off once I was home.  It took me a long time before I could start talking out loud again.  This happens all the time.  You had no right to do what you did.  You have no right to do what you do. 

This is me talking to you personally, you do not have my permission or right to use what I am about to share with you by any means publicly.  What happened between my brother and I was a long time ago.  He apologized to me for it.  He said he knew it was wrong and asked for my forgiveness which I gave him.  I think I was 15 at the time.  Even at such a young age I knew it was not his fault.  Someone abused him.  I believe he did not understand why, how come it happened to him, or why it hurt, and why he was hurt by it.  Which is why I believe he did what he did.  There will always be a distance between my brother and I because of it.  I believe more than going to church what brought my brother to the point of asking for my forgiveness and gave him the courage to do so was going to Basic Youth Institute and listening to Bill Gothard speak.  Even though my brother has hurt me in a way he can never take back, I choose and have chosen my whole life NOT to hurt him in response.  I have tried to go out of my way to support him with distance.  He is still alive it is not fair to him to share in any way his personal pains publicly.  As I am writing this – and let me say this again you do not have my permission to share this publicly AT ALL – the moment I was told that doctors do not need to have a patient fully undressed which only happened once, I understood something was wrong which ended immediately.  Again, you do not have the right nor my permission to share this publicly, I had a psych evaluation done in response to a case started – the case was dropped immediately due to the results and findings of the evaluation because the accusation was false.  I am so disgusted by you: to have done this to me at all.  So disgusted.  It has irrevocably changed things between us.  It was not your right to do.  I never asked for any of this.  I never asked to be a star, I never asked to be on television, I never asked to have my radio filmed, I never asked to be a public person.  All I wanted was a job to pay my bills, have a man who was born a man always been a man will always be a man who loves women who love men to love me enough to keep me for the rest of my life.  To do this to me publicly is inhumane.  Prisoners have more privacy.  Prisoners of war have more privacy.  I have NEVER AGREED TO IT, KAHIT!!!  It has changed things forever between us, I cannot say it enough!

I wish I could go back in time and redo my life, so that we NEVER MET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The story of my life is this: people have never stopped hurting me, and that includes you, Kahit!  Do you know I have not had one good relationship that I can look back on?  And, that includes you Kahit!  Certainly, Edison was the NOT a good relationship, and hurt me in a far more intimate way than Michael Wayne Brown ever did.  Not one.  Not one relationship where a man was good to me. 

Some things are hard-wired from before birth and they NEVER change.  I have always been attracted to manly, strong men and that will never change.  Size does matter to me – always will.

As to watching Transparency, I was talked into it – in my head.  Any other time it is NOT something I would normally have watched which is why I have never watched it again.

Do you know, because of all of this I do not even like the sound of my own name.

I should not have to take vacation time in order to get actual rest and sleep.  But, that is what I had to do.  10-hours of sleep to wake up to humongous bags under my eyes, bad skin, tired complexion, and nothing but sadness and pathetic-ness all over me.  I should be given time in my schedule to take care of myself, which include but are not limited to pedicure, manicure, hair masks, facials, and waxing.

Do you understand how easily they can trick me knowing that I am dyslexic?!  I understood the weigh station closed to mean they were no longer going to be adding more calories and bulk to my food, however what I have understood it to mean is the opposite.  I am not happy with my weight.  I want to lose more weight.  I am not happy with my body shape either.  I do not like the backs of my legs or the part just below my butt cheek.

This is a lot I am going to be writing it is not in any particular order, but please listen.

I cannot stand at work constantly having to change EVERYTHING I do!!!!  Constantly changing the route to work, my parking space, the route I walk into work, the way I walk to the bathroom, the bathroom I use, the door I open to accept deliveries, the way I park in my garage, I could go on and on.  I cannot stand it!  It makes me INSANE!!!  It is such a waste of time and my talent.

On my walk to the bathroom, I choose to walk past all the numbers.  I am NOT walking to the pit charging area, I am simply choosing to walk beyond all the numbers.  The numbers game is juvenile, I do NOT appreciate it at all.  I am explaining so you can understand my logic behind it.

Do you know I believe they have made my legs worse adding things in my diet or once I am at work coming into my home and adding things to my products?  My legs are full of varicose veins and spider veins which is NOT me.  I don’t know how to fix this.  I want it fixed.

Do you know they have come into my home replaced my contacts and glasses with a prescription that is not my own?!  I want this fixed immediately!!

Do you know that I have no clean soap anymore?!  Not of my own choosing.  It is all full of sun-joe pressure washing.  How am I supposed to afford all of this?!  I am constantly having to replaces items for no reason other than to keep me broke.  I want it fixed!  I want my lotion and soap fixed so there is no pressure washing.  It is nothing more than a vicious cycle!

Do you know I believe they planted evidence in my home to keep me paralyzed with fear and worry as a means of control over me?!

Do you know I can no longer be loyal to you and choose you because I am not able to ONLY choose you?!  I have learned when I am choosing you it is a two-party choice including that bitch which I CANNOT stand!!

I have no idea why since The Container Store I have only been allowed to have the exact same wage.  I could have made more money waiting tables?!  My income and salary has kept me dependent instead of being allowed to be independent.

Do you know I am not allowed to cook and save food because they come into my home and alter my food?!  Which does nothing but keep me broke and is a vicious cycle!

Can I tell you, that I believe I was having a conversation through the “helmet” with the man who I can only call a person of higher power in my last shift until my first break?  Which was actually the best conversation I’ve had and worked the best so far.  I do not know entirely why other than it did.  What I heard in my head was that it was NOT possible for me to be bad or criminal given my response to stress was comedy.  An interesting, interesting man – little scary which is a good thing – but, interesting.

Also, it must be said that criminals and prisoners are released every day from jail and never again do anything wrong or against the law.  Plus, criminals and prisoners often go to work after their sentence for the very people who put them in there to begin with.  Not everything can be black and white.  So much is done on an individual basis.

I made a comment in my head that since so much of acting is in observation that is probably why so often “secret persons” work with Hollywood.  In a very odd pairing it has the ability to work well.

Can I tell you, the reason (Yeah, I know said this at TCS) there can be even-flow is because there is NO sexual tension?  There should be no sexual tension in the work place.  You have allowed one-sided sexual tension to take place by allowing my boss access to the google glasses and virtually enter me.  I would never of my own accord allow this.

My job should never have been pet steps!  My job should never have been about what door I go through, the route I take etc.!  I cannot stand it!

Do you know how dangerous it is to mess with someone’s eye sight?!  They have come into my home without my permission and altered ALL my contacts and my glasses so that I can no longer see.  I want this fixed immediately!!

Do you know the reason why reality shows are short-lived?!  Because they do not work otherwise.  There is not a reality show with the same person for more than a few months.  It simply DOES NOT WORK on so many levels.  Keeping me stuck in this fake reality beyond my control or input IS SHAMEFUL!!

The reason I choose the mouse pads I did is simply because I liked the way they looked.

Do you know, I am not allowed to walk in the designated walk spaces because they mean PET STEPS?  Where they ruin something, and I have to figure it out?  Who wouldn’t get bored, beyond upset, and give up after so many years of that?!

Do you know that Sapphire is my favorite gemstone?  I thought one day my wedding ring would be a sapphire.

Do you know the reason I want to wear my bandana’s is I never smile anymore, and I don’t want people to see me frowning anymore?

I stopped turning the Amazon smile upside down at work because it made me feel like a bad employee.  I have felt pressure the last few days to do otherwise.  I simply do not want to do so anymore.  Yet, my mood remains the same at Amazon, I am beyond unhappy.

On turning into the driveway on Painted Turtle, I choose the only driveway that had a light on and that is all.  If I had a choice I wouldn’t choose any of it at all.  I shouldn’t have to.  Do you understand how impossible the situation you’ve placed me in?!  I can no longer drive past the high school since it has become the used gaylords.  So, I am forced into this never-ending vicious cycle.  There needs to be an end to all of this.  You have taken up enough of my life.  Things between you and me will never be the same again.  I can no longer see a reconciliation between you and me.  You have forced me to live all alone since I will have real love from a real man or nothing at all.

Because if what you did to my hands I have stopped any and all transmissions and communications of the Thank-You series.  It has had a permanent effect upon me.

The reason I bought that coffee pot is this: I liked it before I wanted to buy it before it has nothing to do with the handle at all.  I think it is a very handsome coffee pot and nothing more.

I do not understand why the time-share job didn’t work.  I believe I was not given a fair shake.  Given everyone was aware of ALL the jobs I was doing.

Do you know the damage the sun and YOU have done to my face?!  You cannot take that back. 

I want you immediately and everyone to STOP altering and damaging my products once purchased.  No one has permission to enter my home or alter any products before or after purchase!!!

I have written this before: Sometimes it is hard to know what the right thing to do is, but once you know what the right thing to do is – it is hard not to do the right thing.

I was not in any way sexually attracted to Mark’s body.  He was the worst kisser.  He wore this turquoise necklace that looked like a cry for help.  It stood out so much it was hard to get over.  I often wondered if it was a listening device.

Do you know, I used to be able to look at a body of water and imagine myself swimming.  It is the sensation of diving through the water, the movement.  A longing to be somewhere other than where I am.

Do you know I am no longer able to go running?!  When I go running, I am dosed with “new air” making me change course instead of being able to follow my own course.  Also, the locks on my house are not under my own control.  I want this fixed immediately!

It is criminal how my mental state and well-being have been neglected, not taken into consideration, damaged, and not allowed to be within my own control.

It is criminal how I have been unable to compartmentalize and order my own life.  Not being allowed separate spaces between work, driving, and home.

I do not exit or enter through the first door because it has treated me unkind and unfairly in the past.

I place tape on my door knob because I do not want people in my home while I am at work.

I am done talking to you today.  I wrote in bold because I have no other means of YELLING AT YOU!!!!!!!  I am not even sure it does any good to write to you.

I do not see this changing – I wish I had never met you, Kahit!

Cherith J Gjestland

August 14, 2017

David Wolfe:

David,

Who the fuck are you kidding?!  The last time I walked through the first door (team, 101, etc.) you set me back beyond what I can write here with what you did to my hands!!!!  Plus, that psycho blondie tortures me in the bathroom!  How can I possibly go through that door again?!!  Also, how can you possibly expect me to drive straight into my garage after the last time I parked in my garage without looking back I was fumigated and tortured for my shift because of the vacuum and “new air” and black hole – all of it – being on that side.  There certainly no one I am looking back to!  Because even if you or that stupid fucking, FUCKO FRANCO were on the other side of the glass it IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING IN PERSON BECAUSE IT IS NOT REAL!!!!

I am so fucking angry at you and all of this!  Do you not have any idea how long this all takes?!  My shift is not 10 hours it is a 12 hour shift because my drive is also a job, I just don’t get paid for it.  Then, I have to hurry up and clean up whatever you assholes left and did in my house, try and eat something because it is impossible and too fucking stressful at work to even eat a protein bar, then I have to hurry up and try to fall asleep.  I am lucky if I even get 5 hours of sleep on my working days, most of the time it is 3 or 4 hours of sleep.  And, FUCK YOU I am still fucking recovering from all that driving and fucking starving to death back in 2014/2015!!!  Do you know for nearly two months all I had to eat was leftover flour, spices, butter and oil that I used to add water and fry – THAT IS ALL THE FUCKING FOOD I HAD OR COULD AFFORD FOR MONTHS!!  You fucking assholes!!  And, you want me to be fucking grateful and thankful when that and my fucking hands are how I am treated?!!  I couldn’t possibly tell you to fuck off enough!  Or that Fucking FUCKO FRANCO!!

Plus, the last time I went through the gate that was left open I was “punished with tricks” as it is the “bump” side of the street!

AND, FUCK YOU THE LAST TIME I EXITED THROUGH THE THIRD EXIT IT DID NOTHING BUT ADD EXTRA WEIGHT!  YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!  WHO DOES SHIT LIKE THIS TO A HUMAN BEING!  PRISONERS ARE TREATED BETTER THAN ME!  AND, YOU EXPECT ME TO THINK I AM SOME FUCKING STAR OF A SHOW?!  YOU MUST BE FUCKING KIDDING?!

It takes me hours to write, it takes me at least a half an hour or longer of writing before I can get into the headspace that allows me to write.  Noise, distractions, having to stop and start, not having my personal space set-up the way I LIKE IT TO BE – ALL DISRUPTS AND STOPS ALL MY CREATIVE FLOW AND ENERGY!

Do you honestly think that I like and enjoy going every single day sans make-up?!  I FUCKING HATE IT!!  I am just to spent from all the tricks played on me like adding hair growth to my facial creams!  I NEVER USED TO LOOK LIKE THIS EVEN WITHOUT MAKE-UP BECAUSE I ALWAYS TOOK CARE OF MY SKIN.  I USED TO BE PRETTY EVEN WITHOUT MAKEUP!  FUCK YOU!  NOW ALL I AM IS PATHETIC AND OLD LOOKING BEYOND MY YEARS!

HOW CAN ANYTHING EVER BE THE SAME BETWEEN US WHEN THE ONLY REASON YOU USED EDISON WAS A TEST – A PSYCHOLOGICAL AND SEX TEST!  YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!

I HAVE TO CLOSE THAT STUPID VENDING MACHINE WITH THE BLACK CIRCLE ON THE WALL, OR I AM TORTURED AT WORK.  I HAVE TO MOVE THE KLEENEX BOXES FROM THE PAPER TOWELS, OR I AM TORTURED AT WORK.  IF IT WERE UP TO ME I WOULDN’T HAVE TO MOVE OR CHANGE ANYTHING, AND HAVE NO CONSEQUENCES FOR IT!  SO, MY TIME COULD BE BETTER USED ELSEWHERE!

HOW IS IT FAIR TO ME TO MAKE A PURCHASE LIKE MY LAST KEY SET ONLY TO FIND OUT IT WENT TO THAT STUPID BITCH CONTROL?!  I EXPECTED NOTHING BUT MY CONTROL ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE IN MY FUCKING HOME!

YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE BOUGHT MY HOME IN PLANT CITY!  I MISS MY HOUSE WHERE I HAD LIGHT AND WINDOWS.  I HAVE ONE MEASLY WINDOW FOR MY WHOLE LIVING SPACE, NOT TO MENTION EVERYTHING WRONG AND TERRIBLE ABOUT THIS PLACE!!!!

IF YOU REALLY ARE SORRY, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HELP ME, IF YOU REALLY WANT TO FIX THIS, YOU HAVE A LONG FUCKING WAY TO GO, AND HAVE TO DO A BETTER FUCKING JOB OF TRYING TO TALK AND COMMUNICATE WITH ME!!!!!!

NOW, I HAVE TO HURRY UP SO I AM NOT LATE AGAIN, BUT I AM FAR FROM FINISHED WRITING AND TELLING THAT FUCKO FRANCO OFF!!

August 11, 2017

David Wolfe:

Do you know when The Container Store as a company turned from a store worth shopping full of unique, quality items into a cheap, not-worth-my-time store?  No longer was the store worth my skills and talent to work there.

I understand how they keep me sooooo poor and broke is to constantly alter my purchases and products, so that I am kept in the car returning things through the mail.

Understand this: I am NEVER going back to the weight I was when you knew me before.  I am NEVER going back to the weight I was when I moved in here.  I have proven I would rather STARVE TO DEATH than to gain weight.

I am not the girl you knew in College anymore.  In fact, you do not know me anymore.  I don’t believe you ever knew me.

Here’s what needs to change: You need to fire that bitch!  I remember more than I have been able to write to you, but she is harmful – not funny.  What she has done with some knowledge of my previous life is disrespectful, dishonesty, an absolute sham, a degradation of my sacrifice to my mother, my family, and my life.  I will not write what I remember about her from TCS.

David, you have taken away my ability to genuinely laugh anymore.  I cannot stand the world and its people the way you have controlled it.

You opened your legs at Starbucks, knowing that I knew who you were to allow me to be tricked.  You honestly thought a Chelsea could manage me?!  Are you fucking kidding me, right now?!

I have come to the understanding that you never even liked me very well.  The stuffed bear toy was a way to ease your guilt, and not from any emotion you wished to convey.

This is important: My purchases are important and meaningful all on their own.  Why the fuck did I get hired to begin with?!  Changing the products during transit is dishonest – THIS HAS TO STOP IMMEDIATELY!!! 

Moving on from this constant returning of items which only makes me and the products look cheap.  You leave me no choice, David in allowing this kind of behavior to be allowed and continued.

As to the gate situation here, I will only go in the in and out the out.  The code intercom needs to be replaced.  It should work so that I can use it, and NOT have to change my phone or anything else in order to use it.  It should be a code that is entered – end of discussion.

You shouldn’t have forced me to be alone since none of you are alone.  So, stop making me pretend this is about love!

Motherfucker!  I remember you, David as Alfredo come bolting out of the stockroom at TCS after I had just waited on two women with a baby with a great big smile on your face as if I had just passed some test that you were proving to someone else!

Do you know anymore when I think of you or Amazon as they are both one, I am disheartened, saddened, full of disgust?  I never wish to see your face again.

I cannot stand the dreams that are implanted in my head as I sleep.  I know they are not my own.  They are horrid.  They are unimaginative.  They are not what I dream of.

I want and demand a hysterectomy product shipped and sold by Amazon.  I want them to admit that what they did was wrong.  I want them to admit it was impossible.  I want you to admit you took something from me you can never replace or take back.

You must be fucking joking?!  Who needs whom here?!

Yeah, yeah, I remember talking to John Oliver in elfa, who seemed somewhat shocked when he saw me for whatever reason.  I remember him calling my Thursday the Prime Minister.  My poor cat that you stole from me.

Can I tell you, I remember a look-a-like of Stephen Colbert at DRC?

Can I tell you, when I read the quote from John Muir, I had never read anything so profound and beautiful in a single sentence before?  It was the most amazing word art I had ever read.  I wanted to know more about John Muir which is why I bought and read John Muir.

David, not for all the money in all the world do I ever want to see you again.  My hands will always hurt because of you.  My left butt cheek will always hurt because of you.  I have stopped looking up because of you.

You have no idea the harm, the hurt, and the damage done to myself, my body, and my soul.

For as long as I live I will not wish to see you or know you again!

Cherith J Gjestland

August 10, 2017

David Wolfe:

David,

I don’t know who else to send these to since you are the only one I know.  I can’t stand living this way, unable to be healthy.  Every time I buy something healthy, every time I buy something to help, or heal my skin it is ruined turned into something that has the opposite effect.

I cannot stand having to live off of snacks instead of cooking and eating real food.  I am forced to live off of $1.00 frozen dinners and $1.00 pizza as it is all I can afford.

So, you are aware or people are aware when I watched Common – this happens with other movies and viewings – my mind was elsewhere.  I wasn’t paying attention to the movie, I was off in my head zoning out.  It is the only way I have been able to un-plug from the blue-tooth connection.  The connection is a terrible burden on my mind compounded by the vast emptiness of this life I am living separate from the world.

I used to miss you until I had to work with you.

Also, my DVD collection is not entirely my own.

Can I tell you what a terrible kisser Mark was?!!  Ugh!  Can I tell you none of the men you set me up with were very attractive?  Eric, was a great hugger.  But, his conversation and lifestyle lacked any depth for me to be interested in him.  Adam was the most attractive, but he never showed any interest in me.  The same, his conversation lacked any connection.  He kept talking about baby-mamma drama that he had with his ex-wife.  I still have no idea who or what Gerry was.

Maybe, you thought I wanted or should or wanted to play the field.  What I wanted was something real.  What I want is a real connection with a man.  What I want is real passion and not performance.  Because that is all Edison was, me performing.  I was aware there was someone else there at all times.  I was aware there was something not quite right about him.  I didn’t want to play pretend with boys (figure of speech).  I wanted a real man to have of my own, spend time with, and consume any time I wanted.

Can I tell you, I believe it was you, David talking through Edison on the third morning?  Do you remember me writing previously about how I did not want the third night to happen?  Something felt off that time in an even more different way.

But, none of those men were real.  You have left me alone for more than five years now.  No real man-flesh to have as my own.

Can I tell you, when you, David as Tom had beer with me at the Brass Tap I felt no connection to you at all?  I remember Nay.  I remember you, David as Nay merchandising the shelves.  Your forehead was sweating, kiss the lip – was a tell.  The day Nay left, you David reached for me to give me a side hug.  I was trying to be professional, it was my job.  Business and pleasure do not mix.

Can I tell you, I am unable to close the window in my house?  That is not fair to me.  It was done purposefully.

Can I tell you, I can never go back the way of the high school?  Since it has turned into choosing GAY?!

Las Vegas, never should have happened at the casino.  I don’t know how else to say it.  I felt tricked and manipulated into going into that casino.  I had the worst time walking those streets of Las Vegas.  I didn’t understand any of it, or why I was not allowed to eat anywhere I wanted.  The only good part was the Grand Canyon and the Sky Walk since I’ve wanted to go there for a long time now.  I wanted to ride the train to the Grand Canyon, take the donkey ride down.  I wanted to take a trip down the river too.

I remember reading on your MySpace page about you being mugged in New York.  I don’t know if that was real or a set-up anymore.

The Tivo commercial, the Kane furniture commercial, I don’t know who that was that set that up.  The Tivo commercial was shot at a Best Buy in Carrollwood.  I still remember what I wore, it was a turquoise dress with a plaid shirt that matched.  The Kane furniture commercial, I was so far in the background no one could see me.  That day I remember thinking, I wish I could have brought my mother, she would have enjoyed it.  However, her stroke prevented that.

David, you should have protected me.

Can I tell you, I didn’t understand it at the time when I was at Lowe’s in December 2014 that I could have asked for a job?  My preference has always been Lowe’s to Home Depot.

Please, stop talking about any of this having to do with love.  None of this is love.

All of this is just pretend acting.  None of this is real.

You should have let me date for real.

Do you know what this feels like?  This feels like working 365 days a week, 24 hours a day without any break of any kind.  My mind – truthfully – is in trouble, it is not the same anymore.

Can I tell you, when I was with Edison the tell was hearing, you have no idea what that does to me in reference to me keeping my mouth open while moving my tongue around?

Can I tell you, the reason I didn’t take the flip-fold that was signed by the inventor was I was mad at you?

Can I tell you, I don’t know if this is worthwhile writing you all these things?  Can you find a way to let me know?

Can I tell you, I remember the Lasik appointment?  The vanilla gorilla – Tosh.O – I believed was the doctor even though I couldn’t see him.  Modern family was playing on the television.  That could have been Sofia Vergara in the black paint.  I just don’t find anyone or anything funny anymore.

Can I tell you, I just like those songs where I get to GRRRRRRR?

Can I tell you how tired I am of having to show my work to teacher?  Quick-scan – Emma Watson, black paint, curly haired wig.

Can I tell you, that I remember waiting on a customer at TCS in elfa, I don’t remember the customer at all?  The tell was the customer saying how much fun they were having and something to the effect of they couldn’t remember laughing so much before.  It wasn’t until the first road trip, outside of New Orleans, having just watched the Insomniac did I make the connection.  Dave Attell?

Do you know how ridiculously stupid it is to try and make me jealous when all of these men who have supposedly dated me, or been a part of my life let me know how many women they are fucking?  Like I have a fucking choice about having a man that I want in my life.  Any attractive available men can’t get anywhere near me.

I feel like writing to you David is useless.  I don’t know what choice I have given the alternative.

Cherith J Gjestland