Home Is Private:OFF LIMITS

Walking through freshly spilled horse piss trying to reach the door of the station, I remembered I had once written about horses.

The feeling of the wind blowing through my hair waving it like a flag, the sensation of muscles strong, the word-less expressions that speak volumes.  I love horses and riding horses.

However, I wrote once that like a wild horse that runs, I will always return.

The truth is I was being followed.

Everyone I went.  Unlike some people I actually protect those I care about, so we’ll call him Steve.  Nearly every single day I saw Steve.

For reasons I won’t disclose – let’s just say Facebook fucked me – I chose to recognize Steve, but not acknowledge him.

Simply put, I wrote I would return because I wanted to understand and be understood.

That no longer applies anymore, in fact it never did if truth be told.

I could give two flying fuck’s in the wind anymore.  I won’t and can’t pretend anymore.

The saying goes – You can never return Home again.  Truth.

When I left to get the fuck away from this neighborhood, I was told to go.

Had I been able to leave prepared, I would never have returned wanting to kill myself every single day.

The accident would not have happened.

I would be so much fuller instead of drained of all creativity, desire, passion, and my beautiful outlook on life.

To have someone take your writing, pervert and bastardize it is a terrible injustice to me.

Slip Of The Tongue

Have you ever had anyone copy or mimic a behavior you’ve done before?

I don’t have to be careful.

I don’t have to hide any secrets.

I don’t have to play along anymore.

I don’t have to pretend I understand anymore.

I was dating this man once even though in my gut I knew there was something that was not right, my brain was trying to comprehend and understand.

I was trying so hard to seduce him.  Because I wanted to seduce him, to tease him, to make him want me, to make him want to seduce me and take me to bed.

Perfectly normal, right?!  To want to find the one thing or trigger that could annihilate all social graces and make a man want to take you straight to bed.

I found that if I playfully licked my lips – ever so – he found it exciting.  I mean, it was just he and I in the room, right?!

Nothing harmful.  Just a man and a woman talking to each other – so to speak.

Unfortunately for me, that is all I see anymore is men and women sticking their tongues out as if they were in the room as well, mirroring me.  I was ok went it was he and I, but not when every single person I see does it.  Horrifying to see a private and personal experience repeated and displayed.  Especially, when I never gave my permission or consented to the experience being public.

What I realize now is that man was hiding behind another man.  I guess that’s why I was trying so hard because he wasn’t even there in the room with me.  Fucking actors, man!

Well, that’s long over now.

I am telling the story because if I tell the story than no one else can harm me with it.